Hi

Oh @AuntGlow the more you get to know me the more snippets I might share at times when I feel comfortable

But I did have a difficult time growing up lots of instability and abuse, lots of responsibility over younger siblings

Maybe that’s why I go into fix it mode and when I perceive someone being hurtful I jump in @0ddsidian because I was a protector for so long

thank you for sharing your experience too @0ddsidian

And your right auntglow there us healing and comfort in having my own family now but I would never put that emotional responsibility on them to heal me❤️ I shield a lot from them

That absolutely makes sense why you have that sense of justice and fairness engrained in you, @ArraDreaming . The stuff that happens when we're kids really does shape us (positively and negatively). My family life wasn't exactly like yours, but it had a lot of instability (military dad, mum with complex mental health, lots of arguments and moving every few years). I took on the "mediator" role. I mediated between my parents A LOT, and definitely tried to fix problems haha. And here I am; working in mental health now 🙃

I used to work with a few kids who were in the care system. They were given every diagnosis under the sun. It felt like people were just wanting an answer to what was "wrong" with the kids. A decent chunk of the issues the kids were having was just because of them being highly traumatised 😕

There's a lot of versions of these, but thought this one could be interesting for you.

I can honestly say you could put my name next to every single one of them. EVERY SINGLE ONE. Some to lesser degree and some I have improved on over time but everything on that picture.

I won’t go into the full picture here because I feel like my story deserves to be heard more than 2 or 3 sentences could ever get across, but I was removed and returned many times. School was my safe place, despite everything I have said about it school it was all I had in my world that was warm and I could be fed and i didnt have to look after the kids
Even though I was treated looking back so poorly by people it was where i went to get away. I didnt learn anything I spent most of the time riding my bike around the school or sleeping but It was
There and the skate park. which is why it was so hurtful to be told to leave, you arent welcome here, and even to this day is probably why I struggle as an adult with being told I can’t do something and being excluded from places and services, school is one of many many places that “kickedme out” as a young person and said I was to hard to manage


@0ddsidian

Well, I am very happy to receive whatever you feel comfortable sharing @ArraDreaming 🥰

You know, I think having a loving family - where you can connect and feel safe, is healing in itself... because you're getting the chance to have a new experience. I really hope this only continues to grow for you and that more people can meet you in this space. We will be here to support you on your journey - you've already come so far in the short time I have known you. ☺️

Really do you think @AuntGlow

I really want people to see the good parts of me as well

Is it validating to see some of your experiences put like that, @ArraDreaming? In the image?

Your story definitely deserves more than a few sentences. I'm more than happy to slowly learn pieces of your story. It's usually pretty uncomfy to put heaps of stuff out there all at once anyway.

I've heard a lot of people talk about school in a similar way to you. Like, it must be so confusing for kids to see school as a physically safe place but also feel potentially emotionally unsafe or rejected too.

Sounds like you have a hard time with rejection. I do too. I sometimes withdraw or reject when I feel like someone / something is going to reject me, so that I "get in" first and so it hurts less. It's something I'm really working on at the moment though, but it's hard.

Yep it does…

little me would have appreciated that too

I can be like that too @0ddsidian

It’s like I don’t have to feel the hurt if I just wrap this up myself instead of going through the pain of you doing it for/to me

It can definitely feel safer to reject, withdraw or avoid first, @ArraDreaming. Like, in that moment it can feel better, and you'll feel more in control. But then we feel lonely and are isolated.

Ever heard of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)? It's not just an ADHD thing, but it does tend to be pretty common for people who have been given the ADHD diagnosis.

"RSD is characterised by an intense emotional reaction to perceived rejection or criticism. It involves feeling profound shame, hurt, or anxiety, far out of proportion to the situation, which can lead to social withdrawal, perfectionism, or anger."

No never heard of it but a lot of those things make sense

@0ddsidian