hi @AuntGlow sorry im so messed up, yes it has been a very long time.
the death of my father was very quick he had motor neuron disease. i was very close to him, with my seperation anxiety and i felt safe when he was around. even mum says it is not the same without him, he was always so positive and happy. no matter what happened to him he would always see the positive in every situation.
i don't know what it was in 1999, i guess i got my license, had a drive to work in the IT sector i couldn't spend a night away from my parents but i had some freedom. money was not so tight and i was not so financially unstable or one bill away from being homeless. i guess in a way things where simpler less confusing.
i have always feared losing my parents, i have not had a night away from them since 1994.
i know i have missed many opportunities and life experiences but i just can't face the world. im terrified of people and the world in general. im scared of doing something wrong of just being me. i am terrified of having any real life friends or partners. it is so so exhausting being so frightened.
i guess from time to time i think about these things when i have break down. just sad to see how i have spent the last 26 years. so much missed, so much sacrificed.
sorry i hope this is not upsetting you or stressing anyone else. just how i feel
