Hi @jiggles
I don't think I've seen you around the Forums before - so welcome!
I admire the hard work you have put in for your partner. 8 years is a long time, you must be exhausted.
Have you got a support network? Friends, family and/or a health care professional.
Us carers get so much into the routine of putting ourselves last, and it shouldn't be this way.
Have you spoken to your partner about your concerns of his anger worsening? Or are you concerned that this will cause more problems that it's worth?
What has saved me is finding a counsellor for myself. She was able to validate everything I was feeling - that was half the problem - I felt so guilty for all these negative thoughts about the person I care for, just hearing that what I was feeling was what any other normal human being would be feeling in the same situation, took off so much pressure - and I was able to look after myself.
Once I could focus on myself my main objectives were:
1) Reconnect wth friends and family who made me happy. Those people who you can be yourself around. It brought me so much laughter and happiness having certain people back in my life. Making 'coffee dates' gives me something to look forward to
2) Boundaries. I worked with the person I care for to establish boundaries. Once they are communicated, there's a clear set of expectations for both of us
3) Stopped feeling like I always have to say 'yes' . I would say 'yes' and then get annoyed because I didn't really want to be doing whatever I agreed to be doing and it wasn't helpful for me or the person I care for
It took a while to get there - but #1 was the easiest to achieve. The others took time.
@jiggleswhat you said doesn't sound selfish at all. You need to take care of yourself. Would you consider seeing a professional to help talk some of these things out?
The community members here are pretty good listeners too.
