Nowhere to Go

Hi, sorry I don’t necessarily need someone to reply to this I just think it would be helpful to get this out since I can’t really tell anyone in my life. Everything’s ok, it just doesn’t feel like it sometimes.

I’m currently living with my partner and her mom and stepdad and feel trapped. We’re here until we can get on our feet but it’s taking too long. Her stepdad hates me and angrily confronted me the other day about a different way he wanted me to do the dishes. I agreed with the first ask (it was a simple change) but he kept going and repeatedly asking if it “would be possible” while staring daggers.

I know it’s a small thing and I should let it go but I had a feeling he disliked me for a bit. I just feel guilty. I’m worried my presence is becoming a wedge. Between him and my partner’s mom and between him and my partner.

I’ve always struggled with feeling like I’m just a burden and in the way of everyone else’s lives and it’s gotten so much worse recently.

I keep trying to make myself small, take up as little space, make as few requests as possible. It’s not enough and I’m anxious to even walk out of the room in case I get confronted again.

I don’t belong here but I have nowhere to go; I’m trapped. Sometimes I think the only place I belong is dead but I can’t really talk about that without worrying my partner. I know I just have to wait this out until we can get a place but it’s still hard to avoid thinking that way.