TiredandsleepyNew Contributor
Oh boy where to start? CPTSD, burnout and anxiety - now with added depression?
I have been due for some sort of breakdown for a while now - maybe a year? So much violence in my history, physical spiritual emotional you name it it has either been directed at me or I have witnessed it at home or work and other places - my daughter describes me as a soldier who has come back from war but not sure how to be normal - perhaps she is right - think heavy hitters - murderers, violent idiots, drug dealers and addicts - I have stood my ground over the years with them all for various reasons - professional or personal or to defend others or to help support them
About a year ago I lost my last job- I wasnt sad for the loss - hated the people I was supposed to support - [edited by moderator] - and I was fine with it but couldnt seem to get my shit together enough to put together my resume - its not a bad resume - and not like I cant get a job somewhere in my industry reasonably quickly - but instead of doing it - I just delayed it and delayed it - couldn't figure out why- Then I started delaying other things, the phone , emails, mail and more
I became more pressure sensitive to peoples demands getting tired real quick for small asks- and impossible really to do anything for myself
Got involved with someone I knew was crap and honestly beneath me - but looking back it was just another distraction from the build up around me - when it finally ended about 3 months ago it was a relief but also like a punch in the gut where every interaction I have had with people just came back - along with nightmares, and an existential crisis which ended with me coldly deciding if ending things would be a good option - at this stage about a week ago I went for mental help
for the first time In my life I have had real depression the kind I cant seem to shake off - not sure what to do with it
Mental health person said I have CPTSD on top of anxiety and burn out - bc if there has been a kind of violent situation I have probably been somewhere around or in it - that the nature of the relationship I was in and the break up even if not being too sad about the break up just kinda pushed everything to the surface for me in a creshendo - that on top I have been trying to do too much to catch up on the last year
Thing is I dont know how to get myself back from this breakdown of mine - how to manage the cptsd - the anxiety or this new thing the depression ts all the worst it has been - weirdly i have never really had depression until now - dunno also how to navigate the existensial stuff like the question what is the point?
Where do i start ? I thought the violence stuff - but its all geared just to family violence - i dont have a regular gp and not sure where to go to from here ? I need to feel better - weird am so good with other peoples lives but not my own - my other daughter says its bc until recently I had to focus on others -so never really learned to navigate my own needs or emotions 0 i dont know
Any and all imput would be appreciated