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Despair potential trigger: abuse

hiddeniteSenior Contributor30 Jan 2015, 8:13 pm AEDT

Despair potential trigger: abuse

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, social anxiety, and depression.

I saw a trauma psychologist for 10 months twice a week, but she stopped seeing me when my safety became an issue while processing the trauma.

My symptoms are so bad now I isolate myself in the car everyday to avoid triggers and flashbacks. Unable to go to strange places, talk to people. Just don't belong anywhere. Anxiety so bad I shake most of the time, chest pain and hard to breathe... This isn't living......

I'm too damaged to be helped, I have tried but no one will help me..... They just tell me its too complex and they are unable to help. I don't know what do do I have no support isolated, alone and scared....

1050 replies

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In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

ChrisSenior Contributor09 July 2015, 10:39 am AEST

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

I want tell you my experience to give you encouragement and hope. Your children need YOU as much as you need them.My first hospitalisation was when my youngest child was one year old. On a day to day basis I really struggled. My mum lived with us, but that was not a positive thing, as she had bad anxiety, and wouldn't be left alone. So that meant me staying home to care for her when I should have been with my family. Constant guilt for years. Feeling like I had neglected the kids(4) and guilt about all my admissions to hospital.
Anyway about a year ago I told my psychiatrist about this guilt and he said have you talked to them about it. You will find they see it differently. Well I spoke to my three boys. (Well grown men now) they were all very understanding of how tough it had been for me. They didn't feel that they had missed out on me. They knew I had done the best I could. My oldest son just commented on the fact that their dad just kept going as though nothing was wrong and they didn't know about how long or when I would be home. That affected him more than anything else. My daughter who is the eldest, I've only just broached the subject with her and I did this in a letter. We talked about a week ago. She said that what I had said in the letter she had written the same but in reverse (if that makes sense) she also said she understood what I went through and again she felt her dad hadn't supported me enough, if he had maybe things would have been better.
You know what? My children had it tough. But they have grow up to be compassionate caring adults.
Don't ever think your girls don't need you. Because they do. They need your love and reassurance. Your girls will get through this time in there lives and as they grow older, they will become more aware of just how hard you have worked to make a better life for them, and just how much you love them.
As for your mother that was a terrible thing to say to you.the only response to that is that you are doing the very best you can. You love your girls very much,and you apriciate her help.
So just keep doing the best you can each day, keep telling them you love them.Its the little things that you do now that they will always remember. Sing a song with them, read a book,bake a cake(packet mix only take a couple of minutes ) give them a hug. Don't know if you feel up to those things, just something to keep in mind for the future.
Big hugs for you too.chris

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

AppleblossomSenior Contributor09 July 2015, 12:18 pm AEST

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

@hiddenite

Sorry you had to put up with that from your mother. Sometimes grandmothers are less than helpful.

My mother was quite prepared to sell me to my husband and we are not in the slightest bit Indian.

A lolly and a cuddle does not take the place of the day to day grind you are dealing with at the moment, kep quite and build your castle inside to protect your soul.

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor10 July 2015, 6:24 pm AEST

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Hey guys
I've come up with a decision to not take my medication anymore. If I feel this bad medicaded it could not possibly be any worse not to take it and no more horrible side effects. I'm suicidal whether l take it or not. The flashbacks are no better. Anxiety worse depression worse.
I just don't see the point.
And im definitely not going to tell anyone.
Karen

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

NikNikSenior Contributor10 July 2015, 6:44 pm AEST

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Hi @hiddenite

You anticipated my response by stating you definitely won't tell anyone. While I want to respect this, I do need to state how important it is to do this in consultation with a health care professional.

At the very least it's important to get informed about what can happen when you come off your specific medication. The impact is different for everyone, ranging from no symptoms, to horrible affects, such as seizures.

Medicines Line may be able to help you. Medicines Line is a telephone service providing people with information on prescription, over-the-counter and complementary medicines. Their number is 1300 633 424

Once you are aware of the impact, it's important to monitor any changes, so you can see if things are getting worse or better. I have heard of people using a journal style approach, by keeping a record of the date, their mood and any symptoms. I've also seen people keep a simple diary where they rate their physical and psychological health daily, on a scale of 1-10.

Typically health care professionals are very supportive of people who have made the decision to go off their medication and can provide essential and helpful guidence through the process.

I can't emphasise enough how important it is to do this in consultation with your health care professional. Previously, I think I recall, you mentioned you had a good relationship with your GP. Could you work with your GP on this?

Nik

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor10 July 2015, 6:57 pm AEST

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Hi Nik
my gp wouldn't support this or my psychiatrist. Im on 8 different sort of meds.

When they changed my old meds to these ones it was like having gastro and the flu at the same time. They also thought I was having a heart attack. Spent 6 in acute care in hospital.
Im scared if I tell someone they will put me back in the mhu and force me to be medicated.
Karen

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

NikNikSenior Contributor10 July 2015, 7:13 pm AEST

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Hi @hiddenite

I do remember reading about that horrible experience of being admitted to the acute ward.

I think it's great you're taking a stand and taking action - those symptoms sound exhausting and I completely understand why you don't want to tolerate those anymore.

Again, nothing is better than working with your GP or psychiatrist on this. I am concerned that going off all 8 medications suddenly could evoke other symptoms, which you don't deserve to experience either.

Would you consider calling the Medicines Line I mentioned in my previous post?

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

PeppiPattySenior Contributor10 July 2015, 7:22 pm AEST

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

dear @Hiddenite

Karen,

How are you?

thinking about you my friend.

Anne

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

PeppiPattySenior Contributor10 July 2015, 7:31 pm AEST

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

@hiddenite

Please think.......

You dont know what will happen if you quit meds.

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor10 July 2015, 7:31 pm AEST

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Hi Nik
im too scared to tell and now my treating team have pulled out there is not much more I can do. The medication was supposed to helo me with my safety ptsd anxiety and depression. But I am worse now than before I was medicated. Im quite certain that my private psychiatrist will only put me back in the mhu.
so it will stay my secret.

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor10 July 2015, 7:34 pm AEST

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Hi Anne

Different day but same things to try and manage. I know you understand and thanks for caring.
Hope things for you have settled down a bit..take care
karen

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