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Ask Anything Monday!

Ask Anything Monday!

Hi all,

Find this week's question here

Struggling to ask a question on the forums? We find members are sometimes hesitant. Sometimes it’s because they feel a bit nervous, or perhaps they’re newer members and not sure where to start.

We want to give you the opportunity to ask us anything without facing these potential barriers on Ask Anything Monday.

This is how it works:

  • Email your mental health related question to team@saneforums.org
  • Every Monday the team at SANE Forums will collate the questions that come into our inbox and post them in this thread. We will not attach your name or username to the question. This means that no one will know who has asked what questions.
  • Other moderators and members will answer the question for you throughout the week
  • A new set of questions will be posted the following Monday.

Anyone can send us through a question anonymously, so please, don’t hold back!

Please keep an eye on the thread, even if you haven’t submitted a question, you may be able to provide support or advice for another member.

Nik

504 replies

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In response to: Ask Anything Monday!

Re: Ask Anything Monday!

Hello.

Firstly congratulations on your job! It's good news for you especially when your partner is about to go to TAFE.

Working full time is a demanding thing to do, but there's lots of bonuses with it, such as holidays, sick leave, ability to network and create a bigger resume as well as money!!

I work full time. I find it really cumbersome and time-consuming sometimes, however, I enjoy my brand new car and I am able to manage after a great deal of anxiety at the beginning of the new job. I'm now two years in and i have found the longer you stay and work through it, the easier it gets. Also I have found writing things down as you learn them to refer back to is a good anxiety-reducer. Checklists are helpful for ordered tasks too.

Your question about whether to tell your boss is something that is quite difficult. Most work places are pretty caring, but stigma still exists. In all honesty I didn't tell my workplace. I ticked the box "ongoing condition" but I didn't reveal my diagnosis to anyone. I believe it helped me to play-up to my health and abilities.

I think focussing on my own health and abilities implores other people do the same to me. They see my health and abilities too. This is liberating and feeds on itself making me feel really good, increasing my resilience every time.

I wish you all the best! How exciting! Is it a new handbag or a trip to the shops with the first payslip?? 🙂


Rosie

In response to: Ask Anything Monday!

Re: Ask Anything Monday!


@NikNik wrote:

I do see a psych and take meds. But also, since I'm working full time I'm not sure when I can schedule to see my psych, I usually see her weekly, but I'm working during her work hours as well so I'd have to take some time off to be able to see her, and I feel my job might get annoyed with me taking time off every week. Especially when it gets to be the busy season.

Basically, I'm not sure how to approach my manager/human resources or what to say or what to ask for to help me be successful. Does anyone have any advice on working while dealing with mental illness? Thanks.


Funnily enough I was talking to my psychologist on a similar topic today. I think I'm also writing this post for myself so thanks random stranger!

A friend asked me for my advice a couple of months back as they have a mental illness and started full time work this year. This is what I told them:

  • Think really hard before saying anything. Some bosses are ok and some aren't. I've had both. HR is about protecting the employer and not the employee in my opinion. My boss doesn't know but he does know I need to see a doctor regularly and that I need time to do that. I make the time up and it's all ok. A boss shouldn't ask you anything more than what you want to tell them because I'm pretty sure that's illegal.
  • My conversation went a little like, 'I've got a medical condition where I need to see a doctor fairly regularly, I hope you understand that I will need to make these appointments and they happen x times a month. I understand the pressures of the workplace and I will schedule them where it will have least impact (e.g. Friday afternoons/lunch times/before work) and I will make sure to make the time up. Will this be ok?' His response was 'I guess people need to see doctors, I have this ongoing skin cancer concerns where I see a doctor pretty regularly. Yeah, that's ok just make sure you put it in your calendar.' He told me more about his problems than what I told him about mine.
  • Find an ally in the workplace that can help you. You want this person to be more senior than you and influential. They can give you advice on how to approach the boss and maybe back you up when needed. I know this advice might seems contrary to the above but having a friend is gold. It is difficult to find that someone but it's possible. I've told my senior adviser and she's been very good. I don't know what's gone on in the background but if my boss asks them for their opinion (which is a given) I know that they will probably speak up for me. I mean really everyone should be doing this it's just such a good strategy. And don't get me wrong I like my senior adviser, I bend over backwards for them.
  • Learn your limits and that they aren't anything that different from anyone else's. I'll tell you now I have not learnt this lesson and my psychologist gave me grief about it today (along with a few other things). Understand your self care routines (exercise) and stick to it no matter what. Learn how to say no to more work (this advice is directed straight back at me) and learn how to ask for help. After a drumming from the psychologist I finally did ask the boss for a day off work because I've been doing 50 hour weeks for who knows how long. And like she suggested the boss was ok with it. My problem now is how can I make it so I'm not doing these hours but still do the projects I want to involved in. See? Work is complex and no-one gets it right all the time.
  • Challenge (CBT) or just accept (ACT) those negative thoughts. I think you might be having some of those now. Just let them go.
  • This gem comes directly from my psychologist today: 'They aren't likely to fire you if you say no or ask for help it takes time to hire and train some one new, employers do want to hang onto their staff.' This sort of advice is why I have a soft spot for her. Blunt but very true.

I'm off to bed. I've just got home from driving back from Canberra, funnily enough it was a work trip! Hit me up if you have any further questions.

In response to: Re: Ask Anything Monday!

Re: Ask Anything Monday!

A great response from a facebook user:

I scheduled my psychogist appointment across my set lunch break time and negotiated to take a longer break than usual those days, made up by a shorter break another day. I didn't explain what my appointments were for, just said it was a standing medical appointment.

In response to: Ask Anything Monday!

Re: Ask Anything Monday!

This is one of those tricky things, and can be a 'damned if you do and damned if you don't' !!

Firstly, stigma is a major concern when disclosing a mental illness. I think many with mental illness don't like disclosing it to employers, let alone prospective employers. Let's face it, this is how things are.

Secondly, you accept a new job and have been ok for the first 3-6 months, or even the first few years. But what happens when down the track you have a few things go wrong. Unforeseen circumstances, personal illness or a rough period. Maybe a change in medication which sets you back. There are a few things I thought of when reading this post.

One main thing is have a look at your work Contract or Agreement, this could be an Enterprise Bargaining Agreement (EBA). Some things are not as clear cut as we'd like, especially when it comes to medical leave, carer leave or personal leave including holidays.

You may think that taking a few days off isn't a big deal, or that you don't have to disclose that your 'medical condition' is. You know the doctor/patient confidentialty stuff. Some Agreements or contracts may include something like the odd single day you don't need a medical certificate but if you have these fairly often then check your contract or agreement, take too many of these and you as a worker could be subject to occupational health and/or a medical review. If you have been off work and returning, then you as a worker could be subject to some form of return to work or rehabilitation (including coming off workers' compensation). Also, it could be that your employer will request a medical certificate for EACH day off, and that's stressful - especially after recurrent sick days.

It's worth checking what relevant policy is in your state for the Medical Board, and what rights you have as a patient when being required to include information on a medical certificate.

Some contracts and agreements may include a clause about appointments with a dentist or doctor. Such an appointment might be allowable under something like personal leave, but you may be required to provide a certificate. I understand some patients would be reluctant to hand over a certificate from their Psychiatrist or Psychologist, especially if they don't want their employer finding out about regular psychiatric or psychological treatment. Maybe it's possible to see your doctor on the same afternoon you see your specialist, then your doctor can provide the certificate so your specialist isn't disclosed.

Finally, if you're really worried about having regular time off work because of your mental illness, but you are worried about disclosing this to your employer (or having them find out at some stage by necessity because of a review organised by your employer), then consider seeking a letter from your treatment providers. This can be a letter done by your doctor stating that you, as the worker, in their medical opinion, do have an underlying medical condition (ie anxiety) but that this condition does NOT prevent you from performing the requirements of your work role with 'ABC' (employer).

Personally, I'd like to see every work agreement/contract have an immunity clause, whereby you can disclose your mental illness and that such disclosure doesn't automatically give the employer a right to sack you or force you to undertake a medical review. The first review should be conducted by your own physician and not by some stranger like an employer's review doctor or work doctor. I feel that all companies should have managerial staff who have undertaken compulsory mental health training.

It seems that it's OK to have the flu and be off work for a week, but it's not seen the same with mental illness.

So, I would:-

1. Discuss my concerns over sick leave with my treatment providers and ask for their advice and support,

2. Organise a letter from my doctor about my ability to perform the requirements of my job, despite having an illness,

3. Keep copies of all medical records, and even a diary, including keeping evidence of when certificates are provided to my employer (ie emailing information and printing it), and

4. Try to organise as many appointments outside of work hours, or at least during lunch breaks (if possible) or even reorganising my hours so that I finish on a Friday early (scheduled psych visit) and this becomes the norm so isn't questioned. Remember you may be recommended to see your Psychiatrist weekly or fortnightly, and failing to do this may impact on your treatment - but not all of us can see a specialist Monday to Friday, so talk to your Psych about what to do in this situation.

5. Think long and hard about whether to disclose a mental illness, taking into account the employer. Ones that are on your side can make adhering to treatment and working much better, but those that react negatively can really have an impact on you sadly.

Good luck, and you are certainly NOT alone.

Thanx, JJ.

In response to: Re: Ask Anything Monday!

Re: Ask Anything Monday!

Hi @NikNik @mrkotter

Can you get the sack for taking time off for a mental illness. I am about to go back to hosptial for a med change (7-10 days) and am worried that my employer will sack me or force me to go. Still a bit stressful; I have told them that I am going to go into hospital as they also knew about my hospital admission last year.

But now I am scared that because it's happening again that they won't like it and will be angry with me. Or even sack me.

In response to: Ask Anything Monday!

Re: Ask Anything Monday!

@BlueBay. You cannot be sacked for going into hospital. They may not pay you while you are in hospital, depending on your sick leave & annual leave entitlements.
It doesn't matter if you need to go to hospital for MI or for cancer treatment. The reality is the same. You need a doctors help with your illness and the best place for that is in the hospital.

In response to: Re: Ask Anything Monday!

Re: Ask Anything Monday!

@utopia

I guess i am anxious about the whole thing. I think I am scared of what others will think. So much stigma surrounding mental illness.

Even though I have Borderline Personality Disorder as well I haven't told anyone except my husband. I hate the disorder, the name of it; and i think a lot of people wouldn't understand.

In response to: Ask Anything Monday!

Re: Ask Anything Monday!

@BlueBay, anxious and scary feelings. What do you tell them? I hate how MI is not treated like any other condition in the body. We don't have MI bec we are weak. We have it unfortunately for many different reasons and no particular reason at all.
I'm still a good person, MI or not. So are you.
Do you have a date yet for hospital?

In response to: Re: Ask Anything Monday!

Re: Ask Anything Monday!

Hi @utopia

I told them that I am suffering depression and anxiety. I'm not telling them about BPD they don't need to know.

I haven't heard anymore about hospital. When i spoke to the nurse last week she said 1-2 weeks but she couldn't tell me exactly when.

I just hate when people look at you weird when you take time off work, its like they make you feel guilty because you've had time off.

But I still need this break, even though at times I doubt my decision.

In response to: Ask Anything Monday!

Re: Ask Anything Monday!

I hear you @BlueBay. Imagine how different work mates would react if you had cancer and had a relapse. They would send you flowers and cards and wishing you all the best. Asking if there is anything they can do to help. This is what I hooe will happen in the future.
I'm so glad you are still strong enough to know hospital is the right option for you at the moment. Don't let the staff give you guilt over looking after your own health.
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