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Partners of CPTSD

SirSlyNew Contributor10 Aug 2025, 8:14 am AEST

Partners of CPTSD

HI, My partner has been diagnosed woth cptsd just over a year ago now and i was just looking into how to support her in those trigger times, I can trigger her by saying/doing something and i really dont mean to upset her, she calls me out and most times it ends up in an argument, and i think the issue is me 100% by not fully owing up to how i hurt her feelings i always seem to say things like, "i didnt mean it that way" etc, maybe my way of trying to get of trouble, as you know cptsd can get aggresive and can end in name calling,told to leave and can get nasty, and with that i tend to switch of and get stubborn and the more i am like that the worse it gets, she says in those moments it feels like i am abandoning her and have no care in the world for her, when she needs me the most, she is protecting herself and i get that, My question is how can i switch off from feeling attacked and lashing back at her and it getting bad to me seeing the trigger for what it is and bieng there for her ? , its really hard trying to be there when im getting called names and yelled at, but i cant continue this pattern, i want to be there for her. hope this makes sense ive never done this before, thankyou

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In response to: Partners of CPTSD

Turbo88Casual Contributor10 Aug 2025, 9:07 am AEST

Re: Partners of CPTSD

I was diagnosed with ADHD + C-PTSD over a year ago. My partner can be my biggest trigger, he yells at me, calls me names and gets nasty, i tend to cry and freeze and sometimes fawn, the only thing that helps after everything is said and done is that he comes to me to apologise, hugging me telling me he was wrong with his words and behaviour, he also says he wont always get it right but he tries. For me its about the recovery after the fighting, even just holding me to tell me he is here no matter what, i know this does not help for in the moment, but hopefully it helps even a little.

In response to: Partners of CPTSD

JlolSenior Contributor10 Aug 2025, 10:19 am AEST

Re: Partners of CPTSD

Hi there. I'm sorry you are dealing with this right now. C-PTSD can be really hard to deal with.

For the moments where she is being nasty towards you, you could try the Grey Rock technique.
This is where you simply become unresponsive to their aggression. You're still there in the room with them, but not giving them any more fuel to argue with you. Just responded to their comments with simple phrases like "uh-huh", "ok", "I see", etc and wait it out.

Another one is the classic "I'm sorry you feel that way". It's acknowledging they're anger and upset, but not accepting any of the blame yourself (note I'm not a fan of using this in most situations except for the ones you've described).

It can be hard, especially when they say very targeted mean things but, as you probably know, you can't use logic to push back (I remember when why partner exploded at me when she found a plate in the cupboard had a little bit of food still stuck on it. When I reminded her that she was the last one to do the dishes she said that I "must have done something to the detergent so it didn't work as well" - haha all this is to say that you can't always expect a rational conversation).

Good luck mate!

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