Schema's schema's schema's

Thank you for sharing.

We all have our range of schemas, and being reflective about them can certainly help us move forward.

I look forward to hearing the community's responses. @Ot2

Hi @Ot2 ,

I don't know much about the framework of Schema therapy, but when I had read about the concept in the past it's made sense. I think my past therapists have probably incorporated it along with other things and not labelled it - i often find this when reading about different counselling treatments (DBT, schema, ACT, etc). I think CBT was the only one I was ever told "this is CBT" lol.

If you're willing to share to improve my understanding, I'd enjoy to learn more about what you've learnt?

Reading your self-reflections i can definitely relate to the speaking to your past self / inner child. I remember doing some of that with allowing myself to feel, acknowledge and process grief for "and lost childhood" due to depression - those carefree years of fun that most children experience that I have not known.

Does your therapy look at identifying what the triggers are for your 'freeze' reaction?

Is that an anxiety type of reaction? (Im thinking the fight or flight response, which also has a freeze too) (just trying to understand more what you're experiencing there 🙂 )

Is there opportunity/acceptance in those situations to ask for a 5min break/time to respond in order to process and 'unfreeze' without having to miss out completely?

I love you attitude that you are trying to find ways through this and seeking support from peers on what's helped them too. 🙂

@AlwaysMyself @Ot2

I’ve been doing schema therapy with my psychologist most of this year.

for me it has meant identifying auto reactions that have led to response or thoughts to a situation, identifying the schema. Identifying where I learnt to react or think that way and using brain storming to look at possible reasons the event may have happened.

eg my auto negative thoughts that happened when no messages from a relative for few months. Identifying my fears, sources of those fears and any related triggers. Brainstorming all possible reasons why she may not have messaged me. Using that brainstorming to examine possible reasons for no contact and then using the brainstorming to change my view and thoughts on the situation. Eg she might be unwell, busy, been away from home etc.

downside I’ve found is brainstorming all possible reasons for actions of another person and trying to decide what is most likely the reason for their actions becomes overwhelming. My brain starts looking only on positive side of things, scales are fully one sided and tend to miss red flags.

Thanks @Former-Member , that makes a lot of sense to me, and yep is something I do too which I find very helpful. I also use it to understand why someone may behave in a different way to me. I am often quick to think maybe I have done something wrong or they don't want contact with me anymore if a person does not respond too, and sometimes that can be the case, but also to realise it may be due to them being very busy, or having seen the message at an unavailable time and then forgetting to respond later (I do this too sometimes!). I've learned over time that if it is something/someone important to me, that I can be open and ask them the reason in a curious and caring way -- to make sure it was not my doing (and if it was, apologise) and check *they* are OK too.

@AlwaysMyself Always blaming myself. Wondering what I did wrong. Know these all too well.

started down that train of thoughts recently due to something on the forums. Took some time to feel and realise I didn’t do anything wrong.

Looking at some of my schemas I’ve started trying to remind myself of things I can and can’t control. Is definitely helping, have been able to reduce punishing myself for things out of my control.

@Fadednfried223

Schemas are our core beliefs which are established in childhood. Core beliefs we use through life to view the world and interpreter things.

I was just in a pretty highly emotional state and felt very distressed and overwhelmed but this time I didn’t go to ChatGPT to ask questions based on my intrusive thoughts. I didn’t result to Instagram or anything that would distract me. I just tried to sit and let it pass through. well, what gave me a big sigh of relief and felt like I lifted the weight of my shoulders, was seeing this empty space where I can add text. Knowing that this is a space where even if I can’t explain things to anybody for them to understand completely, knowing that I can do it here seem to bring me some kind of peace in this moment.

coming back to this feeling of being alone, it is very heavy and even though I have a mantra to remind myself that there are people that care about me there seems to always be different situations that pop up that show me that or make me feel like I’m alone. tonight being a 5th to 2 couples going bowling and then a third wheel with a good friend of mine and this guy she’s now seeing.

I guess it comes back to my needs not being met. That would be my emotional deprivation schema. It comes back to when I was an infant feeling any kind of negative reaction and needing reassurance but getting palmed off or not taking seriously even as a child.

At the same time my experience with what happened is my experience even though parts of it might not be completely true. It is exhausting and frustrating to see these things pop up.

one of the hardest parts is recognising what’s happening and which schema is being activated because normally I get into therapy and she tells me which parts have been activated in which schema is at play and I couldn’t even think about those. I was more focused on how I felt and I guess fixing it. it is very difficult to feel what I feel and parent myself at the same time when I’ve not really ever looked out for myself or what I need apart from removing myself from people and being on my own.

Hi @Ot2

It's great to hear that you tried a different approach to coping with a distressing emotional state - and it sounds like sitting with the emotions worked well for you where the emotions were able to pass through, leading to a sigh of relief and like a weight had been lifted. That sounds like a real win 🙌

I can hear there are definitely still some challenges for you in feeling alone, being able to meet your needs, and recognising what's happening and which schema is being activated. It's great you've been able to share more about this here and that you also have the support of your therapist 🌿.

Take Care

TunedIn🎶

Hi all,

This last week has been tough. I feel really special but not in a good way because of my childhood trauma and not getting my emotional needs met.

I have been separating my thoughts and feelings into the different modes, vulnerable child, emotional deprivation, detachment protector and avoidant protector and healthy adult but today I just feel so unregulated and alone. In these moment's something shifts. I go from normally really wanting people to reach out when they don't, to people reaching out and me purposefully ignoring it. I feel so conflicted. I feel so exhausted and tired. I just want a break, I just want someone to be there and take a bit of my weight for a bit. I had this friend I thought I could go to but I realised I was self-sabotaging by being there. I have felt really terrible before and she's been there but it hasn't been the support I needed. So now I feel I'm back on my own facing this again.

It really freaking sucks that my parent's didn't help me develop these skills earlier. It's so much harder to do it on my own. I've been watching parenting videos of parents with their babies when they see what behaviour happens and what they do. It's so new to me. What's healthy for development is not something I've learnt.

So yeah, I'm struggling today. I know there's always tomorrow. I've been feeling like crap for days and I'm aware that sometimes I can get into a downward spin.