Trust issues due to CPTSD

Hey @Bear00 ,

Good to see you again.

Trust is a big thing that a lot of people have trouble with. I know I do. And in a way, I feel it is natural to do what you can to protect yourself. That's how we were made.

What I do find though is that just say, someone says something, then you feel low about it, then you feel you can't trust them, which further makes the distrust grow so that it becomes, "I don't trust anybody".

What I've found is that curiosity sometimes helps us move towards the distrust so as to better understand the issue and see the issue can be separate from the person.

Blah.. I don't even feel I'm making sense! @Bear00 Sorry!

I think what I'm trying to say is that the more distrust that grows in your mind, the more lonely you will feel. Then this cycle continues...

So in other words, there needs to be a circuit breaker somewhere. @Bear00

And that circuit breaker can look different for everyone.

Hi @Bear00

it’s good to read about your CPTSD

i too suffer from social anxiety. I have realised that I can build my communication and trust issues by joining groups such as writers, yoga, swimming etc where I meet with people who share an interest with me but I can also have boundaries with around disclosure of complex mental health - I have bipolar with an axis of borderline personality disorder. I also avoid conflict and don’t suit close friends who aren’t emotionally able to connect with me.

yes I have let lots of friendships come and go but I do believe in people coming into my life for a reason and when it’s time to let go I can do that.

Does any of that make sense?

im ok if it doesnt

best

Angeltree

Thank you for your reply @tyme

Can you share with me what the circuit breaker for you?

Thank you for sharing your story @Angeltree

It does make sense and thank you for reminding me about the boundaries between people.

That's a great question @Bear00 , how to learn to trust people again.

For me, it was a leap of faith. I was still able to trust my mum (she wasnt able to protect me, because she wasnt aware at the time. But her intent would have been to protect me, and when she was aware she was very supportive of me), so I could also put some slow trust in people she had conplete trust in were safe to talk to.

So I learnt to trust a respected empathic-supportive person in our community as someone to talk to about some of my feelings (starting slowly with smaller things, and slowly opening up). I grew to see her genuine and consistent care and response, and although I could never understand why she was interested to help me* I learned that it was her choice to and I could learn to accept it even if I didnt feel worthy of it. As I got to know and trust her completely, she also introduced me to her husband who she trusted completely (and was also known as a very supportive and caring person in the community). Knowing him and learning to trust him was very hard, but also so powerful. He proved to me that not all males were as I believed them to be - he was my proof. And if he could be safe, then maybe others could be too - i just needed to assess each person individually.

I dont immediately trust anyone. But I have learned to trust my ability to assess people better and slowly get to know people to determine who I feel safe with and are trustworthy.

Hi @Bear00

Similar to what @tyme said I too have trouble with trusting others. Me being me i try to analyse and ask if that lack of trust is because of the past where others have hurt me or am I lacking trust specifically in that person for something they have done? Maybe it would help you to ponder why it is you don't trust your friends maybe write it out and see if there's any patterns. I know for me I generally don't trust people and have very few friends and still keep an arms length. For me my mum is my best friend and I suppose over many years I have learnt to trust her and I didn't respect her for many years. Anyway I hope what I wrote helps in some way.

Thank you for sharing your story @AlwaysMyself

it gives me a hope that I could trust someone one day

Thank you for sharing your story @pinklollipop15

For me, I struggle trusting my friends because of trauma from my parents.

I think my brain feels danger in intimacy because of what happened to me from my close ones.

I have tried to understand reasons behind my behaviours. Sometimes it’s so frustrating that I even struggle to trust my bestie and I hate myself for being like that. I struggle to forgive myself for not trusting others too.

@Bear00 It can be easier said than done, but it can be helpful/healthy to be acknowledge your past/current ways of coping - even the ones that you would like to modify - as things that have helped you survive to the current day, and honour that. Be kind to yourself, and you dont need to feel guilty for putting up protective barriers when you were a vulnerable child and hurt. Not trusting people served a very real protective purpose.

It sounds like now you are in a place where you would like to be able to now allow yourself to have the *option* to trust people. And it is natural for your instinct to feel threatened by that vulnerability because of past experience. It is OK to take it slow and with support and self-talk / self-soothing for those scared and frightened parts of yourself.

Does your bestie know that you find it hard to 'open up' or trust people? (Even if they do not know why) if so, are they accepting of this? 🙂