I feel judged, alone.

I'm find it harder and harder to stay on top of my life.

My suicidal idealisation might not be strong anymore, or my mental ill-health as imparing, but life just seems an impossible thing.

Im safe, I usually feel emotionally good or strong, but im so incredibly exhausted. BUT My chronic fatigue is getting in the way of me actually functioning.

I feel like this year I have finally been getting ahead mentally, but my body is dragging further and further behind.

I find it impossible to explain to people how I feel. The running joke at home that my response to anyone who asks how I am is 'tired.' But it is so much more than that. Its the feeling of exhaustion that is impossible to convey, being audhd makes communication hard, but im too tired to implement the communication strategies i have.

I feel so alone. I dont have the energy to maintain the friendship I used to have. My only connection is with support workers, but that got rolled back from 24/7 support to a daytime shift due to mdis funding change in June, and I have been finding it impossible to manage.

I used to be able to do so many things, I dont even have capacity to do art, my one reason to fight for life. Lately I only manage a few hours on the couch gaming and then it becomes too much. I loved cooking, I loved going out, I loved soccer. I just cant do it.

Im not depressed, I feel content but its coming apart at the edges as I face a life of being able to do and achieve less and less until I am unable to get out of bed.

Even typing this has been too hard, my fingers grow weary and tired, mu phone feels so heavy in my hand.

Im sorry.