Anxiety levels are quite high

CarebearSenior Contributor04 Aug 2025, 10:37 pm AEST

Anxiety levels are quite high

My boyfriend is an Ex-Navy. He served from 1990 to 2002.

TW: Strip clubs

The sailors that were single would really go hard at the Strip Clubs and with Prostitutes. So with that back story, my partner just came back from a two day trip to Sydney and walked around at all the areas where he was many years ago to see how much they changed. He mentioned the Pubs and landmarks, but when it came to him mentioning the Strip Clubs on Kings Cross, he initially was calm about it and said that no he didn't go into any when he was there this time around.

Cut to the next day and he confronts me about me asking him if he went into any of the Strip Clubs. He said that me asking him that question offended him. It offended him so much that he said that he would go to one, out of spite towards me because I asked the question. He got really angry about it.

The way ai asked the question was in a blokey and jokingly manner - like the way he and his mates have a bit of a laugh with each other.

I said that I'm sorry if my question offended him and it was me just joking around like he jokes around with his mates.

He accepted my apology but then he said that I have no idea (in that he doesn't like people touching him).

Now, this is where my anxiety comes in. Before he met me he said that he used to go to Strip Clubs to watch. Since meeting me, his mate and him have regularly joked around about how they used to go to Strip Clubs.

So his reaction of being offended to my question feels out of place; especially as he has gone to.Strip Clubs in the past. And then for him to.say that just because he was offended by my question that he is going to deliberately hurt me by going to a Strip.Club and play around, has my head spinning.

The Culture in the Navy back then was smoke as much as you can (so you didn't work. ie they were told that unless they're smoking they should be working); getting drunk was prevalent because they would be at sea for months on end that when they finally came ashore they had 'cabin fever' so to help with that they would always go to the nearest Pub, get drunk, spend the night with a woman that they just met, then go back on board the ship. The sailors that were single would really go hard at the Strip Clubs and with Prostitutes. So with that back story, my partner just came back from a two day trip to Sydney and walked around at all the areas where he was many years ago to see how much they changed. He mentioned the Pubs and landmarks, but when it came to him mentioning the Strip Clubs on Kings Cross, he initially was calm about it and said that no he didn't go into any when he was there this time around. Cut to the next day and he confronts me about me asking him if he went into any of the Strip Clubs. He said that me asking him that question offended him. It offended him so much that he said that he would go to one, out of spite towards me because I asked the question. He got really angry about it. The way ai asked the question was in a blokey and jokingly manner - like the way he and his mates have a bit of a laugh with each other. I said that I'm sorry if my question offended him and it was me just joking around like he jokes around with his mates. He accepted my apology but then he said that I have no idea (in that he doesn't like people touching him). Now, this is where my anxiety comes in. Before he met me he said that he used to go to Strip Clubs to watch. Since meeting me, his mate and him have regularly joked around about how they used to go to Strip Clubs. So his reaction of being offended to my question feels out of place; especially as he has gone to.Strip Clubs in the past. And then for him to.say that just because he was offended by my question that he is going to deliberately hurt me by going to a Strip.Club and play around, has my head spinning.

It is common for him to not have a.reasonable reaction towards things, especially if feels that he is being hard done by or picked on. He really lashes out verbally and he doesn't care if he hurts the other person, even if the other person hasn't done anything 'wrong'

Why the 'overreaction' from him?

Re: Anxiety levels are quite high

Hi @Carebear

I would say it sounds like this touched on quite a sensitive topic for your partner, but I'm hearing that he does tend to lash out and that this is a bit of a common level of response by him when he's feeling a bit slighted. It sounds as though he's not someone who's able to easily voice these feelings and instead lashes out rather than having a conversation about it.

Noticing that he is ex-navy, I'm wondering if that might be a little bit of a factor too? It can be really hard for anyone to say why he has these overreactions without knowing him, but I wonder if it could be helpful to check our veteran friends and families space to see if others have had similar experiences within this context

Anxiety levels are quite high