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Managing relationships

Should I stay or should I go?

Round-2567Casual Contributor

Should I stay or should I go?

I've been researching all day where I can talk to someone, ringing different services for help with no luck. I have just discovered my partner messaging propositioning messages to other people, confronted him which he admitted to. This is the 3rd time he has done it, using alcohol as an excuse. I am lost, I am devastated and I don't know what to do. We own a house together so walking away isn't easy. I suffer complex mental health issues, I can't get into my psych until Friday week and I have no family or social supports to turn to for support and guidance.

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In response to: Should I stay or should I go?

rav3nSenior Contributor

Re: Should I stay or should I go?

welcome to the forums @Round-2567!

i'm so sorry to hear about your partner's behaviour. being treated disrespectfully by someone close to you sounds heartbreaking, and it doesn't seem fair to use 'alcohol' as an excuse, especially since this was their third time doing so.

has your partner expressed any other reasons around why they've done this? is working through the relationship something you'd like to do? i can imagine how sharing the house can make it difficult at the moment, but please know that you also deserve to feel love and be treated with respect. are there boundaries that you can set up to help you feel respected at home?

In response to: Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Round-2567Casual Contributor

Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Thank you @rav3n

Unfortunately all 3 times, he has been drinking. He tells me that he has no real excuse, just moments of weakness. My past relationships have all ended with being cheated on so this is just reliving trauma and triggers all over again. We have been together for 5yrs almost.

I want to work on the relationship, but I don't know how I can trust him. I really feel so stuck, lost, empty and numb. He knows he has hurt me so he is avoiding me so he doesn't have to deal with it. I can't look at him or talk to him face to face without crying.

In response to: Re: Should I stay or should I go?

rav3nSenior Contributor

Re: Should I stay or should I go?

sounds like the drinking is a big part of the issue, is your partner open to seeking support for it? @Round-2567

i'm so sorry to hear that you've been cheated on before too, it makes a lot of sense why this would be even more painful to relive. please know that his actions are not a reflection of your worth, but rather a reflection of his inability to communicate respectfully.

it's okay to be upset and cry, please take your time to process how you're feeling. what helps you process your emotions? journalling's been a big help for me in labelling my emotions and calming myself down. do you have something that can bring you comfort/calm those overwhelming emotions?

sending you big hugs 💙

In response to: Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Round-2567Casual Contributor

Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Thankfully he doesn't drink often, but he needs to do something to change these behaviours.

I think I need to start journalling to try and get these emotions out. I've been trying to study all day and have managed to get 1 sentence out, which is going to put me behind.

Thank you x

In response to: Re: Should I stay or should I go?

rav3nSenior Contributor

Re: Should I stay or should I go?

i hope putting those feelings/thoughts onto pen and paper (for digital notes) helps @Round-2567. feel free to pop by whenever and give us some updates on how you're going 💙

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