Am I lazy?

Hey @Tarmac_6 I'm glad that the forums has been here for you during this time

I'm sorry to hear about your exam, failing can be a real blow and it's understandable that you wouldn't be feeling good at the moment.

I find the idea of laziness really interesting. I don't really know if I believe in true laziness, I think that there are just about always other factors in play that influence our lack of motivation. Here depression could absolutely be a key factor as it can very much impact motivation and energy. I hear that you don't want to use depression as an excuse, but I don't think that it would be helpful to downplay the impact it can have either (though this doesn't mean that it's not something that you can learn to work around in time).

It's completely okay to have your emotions around this and to be upset and disappointed, but when you're able it might be helpful to use this experience to learn about what was going on for you that caused you to not feel motivated to study? Was it due purely to depression symptoms, were there other things going on in this period as well? Was there anything that could have helped you to study? Again, that's probably not something to do right now when it's so fresh

hey @Tarmac_6 it's nice to see you again.

i think it's very normal to feel this way after failing an exam - one of my friends failed her unit, and i remember how unmotivated and discouraged she felt. she failed a few more units after this, she just felt like she was going downwards and couldn't see herself graduating anymore so she stopped trying. we talked it through with her, and like you, she knew she was capable of doing better but just couldn't at the moment due to her head space. so we encouraged her to take fewer subjects (she took 2 subjects per semester instead of 4), reach out to her teachers for extensions, reach out to her GP for medical certs if she needed special consideration, etc. we also did study sessions with her to motivate her, and set up lil rewards (e.g. having a sweet treat once she submits an assignment). she studied an extra 2 years to make up for the failed units, and she's graduating at the end of the year!!! sometimes it might take us a bit longer, or a bit more support to get through, but the important part is that we CAN get through.

it can be so easy to be hard on ourselves, and it's okay to admit that we could've done better. i reckon laziness comes from not wanting to try at all and being happy with that (which isn't what i get from you, you seem like you do want to do better but just finding it hard to?)

Hi @rav3n @Ru-bee, yeah maybe I need to figure out what motivates me. Honestly I think I’m just worried I’m not good enough cause I don’t think I am. I always feel like I fall short and this feels like this is proof. I really don’t want to cut back on my degree, the thought of that makes me really scared and I don’t want to have to explain it to the people around me. I just want to be able to do what everyone else can and it makes me angry to think I can’t.

that's the tricky part about our brain - have you heard of confirmation bias? when we have a self-belief that we're not good enough, our brain searches for proof of that - and in this case, failing the exam was the 'proof' @Tarmac_6 but say if we had a strong self-belief that we're capable of anything, our brain would look for proof of that - for example, getting into this course in the first place is a sign that you're capable for completing the degree.

changing that self-belief (i.e. believing you are good enough) is possible with consistent practice.

that's okay to feel upset and frustrated, you're allowed to want that too. but please know that it doesn't make you 'less' for following your own path and pace. my friend didn't like being asked about why she's taking longer too, but now, a lot more students are studying part-time. it's becoming more 'normal', and you don't owe anyone an explanation 'why'. it's absolutely up to you, and it's your degree/hard work - no one can take that away from you.

Yeah I think you're right. I guess I don't have a good sense of self worth so when I had nothing academic validation was the only thing that got me through. I guess I just have a lot to consider but I appreciate your opinion @rav3n

academic validation used to be my one and only 'measurement' of success in the past too, so i get how hard it can be to challenge those beliefs/feelings and find other ways to validate ourselves @Tarmac_6

take your time in processing it all, and know that we'll be here for you always 💙