I’ve ruined my friendships, now what?

Hey @Rudi90724, thanks for sharing your experiences with the community!

I totally understand your situation, and having relied on friends for support. I think it's only natural to want to reach out to the people closest to us and share what we are going through. Though it does not always work out, as they often don't know how to deal with it or have the right things to say. And as you have found out that it can impact their own MH in the long term.

It's a hard lesson to learn. I have was the same learning that it was perhaps not the best course of action to share our MH issues with friends. I don't think your friendships are lost, but maybe you just need to approach them a little differently. I have learned that we need to have social realationships as much as we need support.

I'm not sure if you have come accress SANE's Guided Recovery program as well as the Forums. It's a free MH proram for everyone in Australia and you can have up to 7 sessions with a Peer Support Worker or Counsellor. Take a look if you feel like it might be benefical for you to speak with someone who gets it.

Hi @Rudi90724 and welcome!

First off, I can totally relate to this feeling, and I know it can come as quite a shock. Often sends me reeling and combing over all my past interactions... which can itself lead to rumination.

Something to note though - when people express boundaries to us, that is them trying to keep us in their lives. Your friends likely told you this because they care enough about you to tell you that a shift is needed - if they didn't, they would likely have just disappeared.

Sometimes things like this can send me into 'shame collapse' too - the shame feelings get so heavy that I spiral and withdraw, thinking myself unworthy of my social connections. Do you resonate with this? Also I've found it can be easy to go too far in the opposite direction, for instance if you became completely self-reliant and never told your friends any of your struggles at all - which is probably not what they actually want.

Maybe you could touch base with them again when you feel ready, and just ask them for a little clarity? Like 'do you want me to refrain from talking about this particular topic or just all of my struggles?' or 'would you prefer to get updates on how I am doing without details, or do you want to keep things light for now?' - just to feel out what their needs are, and help you get a better understanding of what extra support you may end up needing. You could also offer support in return, or ask if this is a time-limited boundary (e.g. they just need a little break to refill their cup), stuff like that.

In terms of finding more support - curious if you've looked into our Guided Recovery?