Adulting with bipolar & cPTSD

Hello @HealingJourney,

Thank you so much for sharing your story us.

Coming back to study or work after time off is honestly so much more challenging than we give it credit for, so please know that how you're feeling is perfectly understandable.

Not only were you caring for your wellbeing and nurturing yourself through some pretty big feelings, but your nervous system would have become more accustomed to less stressors. So if we look at this on a purely physiological level, it's no wonder you're finding things so overwhelming! I can imagine this dysregulation is coming from over-extending your threshold after a long period of your body adapating to doing less. Which, by the way, sounds like it was absolutely necessary for your healing. ☺️

I get the sense that small, incremental changes would be most helpful here - to allow yourself more space to rebuild your capacity in a safe way that encourages longevity.

In my experience, being as open with people as possible around what I can and can't do, as well as asking for support/more time to finish work and assessments, has been really helpful.

Taking things moment-to-moment and working incrementally has also been a strategy I have found helpful, because it allows for gradual progression and more moments of rest, recalibration, and regulation (which sound very important right now).

This brings me to my last point: Self-Care. Taking care of you first and foremost, through things like movement, food, water, connection, healthy boundaries, and things you enjoy. What does your self-care look like right now? And are you speaking with any professional supports?

As for your current deadlines, what thoughts or feelings are coming up most? If we can understand this more, we can work on some more specific strategies! 🥳

I too have the same conditions @HealingJourney

I’m currently coming out of a severe depressive episode.

For me it’s about routine. I’ve tried changing in up but it didn’t work and resulted in a meltdown.

I work full time but don’t have a family unless you count my two furbabies. My work consists of day and night shifts. I find it incredibly hard. But I have a strict routine that I stick to on my work days. I will not do anything out of it.

What I’m trying to say is there anyway you can plan your day to allocate some study time? I write down my day each morning. Also you need to plan self care into these routines. My self care consists of a shower each night. It also helps with sleeping because sleep is really important with bipolar. I also plan the have late afternoons free to do what I want.

I understand that with a little one routine would be hard but I don’t know if it’s something you can work into your day. Maybe focus on the assessment during your study time and they may be less overwhelming.

Thanks for your response.

My nervous system is definitely in overdrive. Had a panic attack during my class earlier in the week and I've been pretty dysregulated all week. Crying a lot more than usual. I know it's 'normal' but it still feels really sh*t.

Incremental steps sound good in theory but my life feels like it's gone from 100-1000 and my nervous system is trying to hit the brakes but it feels like I need to have everything sorted at once or I'll drown.

I've let my lecturers know I'll be needing an Equitable Learning Plan but it just takes time to get one processed so treading water in the interim between meltdowns and sheer exhaustion.

Self care rn is hitting pause and resting. Seeing my psych next week and letting my partner know I need some extra support atm. I'm doing more yoga and Qi gong, noticing my breathing and painting my nails. Cuddling my dog, using heat packs for weight, comfort and warmth is containing. And also using PRN when I notice my symptoms.

The issue re: deadlines is that I already feel behind because my capacity to study has been hijacked by dysregulation, poor sleep and pain flares. I'm withdrawing from a medication as well and I have two assignments due in 10 days, neither of which I've started as uni started last week and I'm still navigating how to just show up and be prepared for each class (readings, lectures etc). Trying to do research on top feels so daunting atm and I'm so out of spoons atm, it's hard to find the exec function to make all this happen

No problem @HealingJourney, apologies for my delay.

Oh gosh, it really does sound like you're needing a big hug and someone to help you regulate. Does anyone come to mind who you could ask for this?

I understand that feeling, it really is so much to manage... I think the Equitable Learning Plan will help a lot here. When will you find out the timeline for approval?

How did your psych appointment go? I would love to hear more.

And I am glad you can turn to your partner - maybe they can give you the hug I mentioned!

Those all sound like really wonderful self-care and grounding strategies. 💕

It's been just over 10 days since you shared this, so I am curious to know how your assessments went and if you were able to access any further support?

I think when it comes to study and our wellbeing, it's more than okay to reduce our workload. Especially if we have other big life things happening like health concerns, work, parenting - you've got a lot going on.

A thought that just came to mind - would talking to someone else in your classes and asking to study together be helpful at all? I always found that working with someone else/discussing ideas really helped me to get the work done and stay more focused. Let me know your thoughts and talk soon. ☺️

Hi again,

It's been a rough ride. I'm feeling pretty burnt out already and reckoning with the fact that I may need to drop a subject until I find my bearings. Logical as that sounds, it makes me feel like a failure. I feel like I don't cope as well as most people with study loads, work hours etc. It's really frustrating and upsetting. I'm trying to listen to my nervous system but my ego is wounded. I just don't know when or if I'll ever be able to live a life that's more than just surviving or doing one day a week of something meaningful.

On the upside I now have some disability support in place but I really need to acclimatise to studying again in a brave new world. This first foray is probs my orientation back into the whole uni thing and maybe two subjects is one too many rn. But maybe that will change next semester or somewhere down the line.

Hey @HealingJourney ,

How are you going this evening?

Thinking of you.

saw my psychiatrist today. They've recommended two options to consider; tripling a dose of one of my meds or going into hospital to wean off everything and start over because I'm not really responsive to the meds im on anymore. Idk what to do. I feel like such a failure. I dropped a uni subject to ease the load but I'm still not coping because I'm not sleeping. My fuse is so short all the time. I can't handle being around my family because my sensory overload is thru the roof and any sound is like nails on a chalk board. Idk how to get out of this. Ive been pushing sh*t up hill for over two years. I'm so exhausted and don't feel hopeful that my life will ever be mine again

Aww @HealingJourney ,

I'm sorry to hear how hard things are for you.

We are sitting with you.

I hope the meds get sorted out so you find what works for you.

I know for me, it took years to get to the right concoction of meds...

Thank you. I got diagnosed in 2019 but other than one consistent med I've had many things added to this mix but stuff isn't working anymore.

I'm legitimately contemplating ECT because it's the only hospital-based therapy I haven't tried