Long term depression

I forgot to also mention that I was adopted a a baby into a family with a biological son with high special needs and the expectations on me for being 'normal' have created a lot of childhood trauma.

my said brother also passed away last November.

my brain just can't take all this anymore

hey @Yerta i'm so sorry to hear how overwhelming this has been for you. i can see that you've gone through so much, and with all these changes to your circumstances and loss in the family, it would make a lot of sense that you'd feel this way. i must've taken a lot of strength to come and share here today, i'm really glad you've reached out. we're here to listen and support you 💙

i'm wondering if you'd be interested in the Guided Recovery or RecoveryClub programs? they're both online and free - the guided recovery program offers you a few phone calls with a peer worker/counsellor whereas the RecoveryClub is self-guided. during these programs, there are zoom groups which provide an opportunity to connect with others while discussing set topics.

it might feel awful and scary right now, but please know that things can get better. when we're in the dark place, it can be hard to see the light but i assure you, it's there. often when we have so much to do, we feel like it's too much to even start so please take things one step at a time. perhaps writing out a list of things you'd like to do, and then just working on one thing each week?

Hi @Yerta , I hear you. I especially relate to what you're saying about being high functioning outwardly and masking it, and wondering sometimes if people believe you or not because of that.

I also totally relate to the "expected timeframes for recovery" part - I've had MDD since a young age and was so often told "it will get better; its not forever" for the first 7 years until finally (a breath of burdon relief!) a psychiatrist said to me that they can't/won't promise it will go away, but that we can work to manage and reduce the symptoms/impacts. This simply acknowledgement changed how I viewed things and allowed me to not be "failing to get better" but instead to be "learning to cope with the reality" of the illness, and if it does ever go away completely that's great but that's not the measure of "sucess" anymore!

From what ive seen, the public health model for depression and anxiety (i cant speak for schizophrenia or bipolar or borderline personality, as I dont know those supports) is very much centred on mild to moderate, and short-medium term cases. It doesnt seem to acknowledge/support those with chronic or very-complicated-it-takes-a-long-time-to-unpack cases. 😞 and as you say it is very expensive to fund it privately, even if you work fulltime let alone if you are unable to work. :'(

Happy to chat and listen. Let me know if there is anything specific I can offer that you find helpful from a "someone to talk to without judgement" angle. 🙂 I know myself this feeling, and its part of why I recently joined these forums too.

@Yerta Hello and welcome to the forums. You’ve been through multiple traumatic experiences and I recognise how hard it is to reach out here.

In my opinion the mental health system is so severely underfunded that it’s very hard to access what we need when we need it. Unfortunately there is no cure for mental illness BUT there are ways we can live quality lives.

I have had mental illness complex PTSD, chronic depression and anxiety since I was 6 years old. I was sexually abused for a number of years and grew up in a very violent family. My mum died by suicide and it broke me. Like you I am well educated and published in academic journals. I’ve not worked now for months because I can no longer mask. I applied for Disability Support Pension and was given it. Have you considered the DSP? Centrelink are a very difficult beast but depending on the State/Territory there is free help to get a DSP application submitted. You can still work but have an income and no longer will have mutual obligations.

You are not alone in how you are feeling. These forums can help by having people to talk to and the recovery club is actually quite good and can be accessed on top of what you already have. There’s usually people online in the forums here which is helpful.

Have you considered accessing the NDIS? I am on NDIS. It can help access the supports you need.

Also domestic violence services can provide free psychologist too. Not sure if you know about it?

What type of support do you think would be best for you? If you could choose what would you choose?

I promise that things actually do get better. Hang in there and reach out here. I’m here for you ok. You’re not on your own.

Hi @Cuddlebear,

I have never tried to get dsp as I was told it's nearly impossible to get for cptsd, depression and anxiety. Don't even know where to start with that. Didn't think I would qualify for ndis unless I was on the dsp.

I was SA'd as a child but only remembered it when planning my Mums funeral and picking out photos. One in particular brought it all back, I was 8. but I wasn't upset for myself, I was upset for the girl that was with me, she had Down syndrome. And neither of us said anything because no one listened to us anyways. So haven't even delved into that yet.

I have been accosted countless times over the years.

the dv situation happened in my early 50's. My first relationship since divorce 14 years earlier. I am still having trouble forgiving myself as I thought I was smarter.

so many things to work through,

and the grief from losing my mum and then my brother has really hit me hard, especially when I am already dealing with so many other issues and their emotions.

there are a lot of days where I just can't function. Barely able to get out of bed let alone shower .

you are right, not enough funding, especially for psychiatric and psychological help.

45mins every 2 - 3 weeks just isn't enough for me. barely covers anything.
my brain feels so fried from it all that I just can not do this by myself anymore.
Yet I won't give up. I'm just so very tired of doing it all by myself .

Hi there @Yerta , thanks for sharing. It sounds like it's been a journey and a half for you to get support. I hope you find a way to get the support you deserve.

If you need links to SANE's other services, feel free to reach out. @rav3n posted them above.