Questioning how far I’ve really come.

I thought It'd be great to tag you guys along for an update in life lately @Shaz51 @Jynx @AuntGlow @tyme @rav3n

Hey mate @ale_inmelb ,

Thanks for reaching out.

I'm sorry things have been a bit challenging for you. I can see how unexpected that mention of self harm was.

I can certainly relate. I don't pride myself on wounds and scars, but I feel I no longer carry that burden of guilt. I see them as my battle wounds.

Do you feel you are in a bit of a pit?

@tyme

Thank you for reaching out—your words really do mean a lot.

Yeah… I think pit is a pretty accurate word. I don’t feel completely consumed by it, but I’m definitely sitting closer to the edge than I’d like. I’m lost, to be honest. Not in a dramatic way, but in that quiet, disoriented kind of way—where I thought I was okay, and now I’m suddenly not so sure.

What you said about no longer carrying the guilt and seeing those moments as battle wounds—that really stuck with me. I hope I can get to that place too. Right now, it still feels raw when it gets brought up, especially without my consent. Like I lose a bit of ownership over something I’ve fought so hard to understand.

I’m trying to sit with it and not run from the feeling, but it’s hard. So thank you again for being gentle and not judging. That kind of support really does make a difference.

TW: discussion of self-harm

I don't want to make this all about me so we can focus on what you are experiencing, but it may be helpful to hear what became a turning point for me in terms of self-harm.

As for your experiences, I'm sorry that the topic was raised without your permission. I can see that you 'own' that part of your story and therefore you have the 'copyright' to that part of your life.

Would this be a later conversation you'll have with them?

@tyme Thank you so much for sharing this. I can feel the honesty and the pain—and also the strength—in your words.

What really struck me was how you described that moment with the psychologist who didn’t immediately try to take the self-harm away from you, but instead held space for your coping while gently guiding you toward something else. That kind of acceptance, without judgment, is so rare and powerful. I think sometimes what we need most is just for someone to understand without trying to erase or "fix" us immediately.

I also really relate to what you said about being treated like you were to blame—especially in medical settings. That lack of compassion stays with you. It’s so validating (and honestly, healing) to hear someone put that into words so clearly.

I'm still in a place where I’m trying to figure things out. Some days I feel okay, other days I'm lost, to be honest. But reading your story gives me hope that it's possible to let go of the shame and find healthier ways to cope—at my own pace.

Thank you again for being open. Your journey matters, and it helps more than you know.

Some moments sure send you spinning hey @ale_inmelb and it's hard not to question everything when they do! I am glad that you are here, talking about it, not stewing in it alone 😊

I think something that many folks are scared to acknowledge is that SH is a coping strategy. It's not an ideal one, largely cos of the shame involved but also cos like @tyme said, it can become addictive, and it does carry risk. I think many professionals are concerned that if they acknowledge it like that, it somehow condones it. I won't condone SH but I also understand exactly why we do it (also in recovery but it's been a decade or so for me now). I will often say like, if it comes down to a choice between the relief that SH can bring, and getting closer to suicidal options, take the SH path! And then, when time/energy/resources allow, you can work on slowly replacing SH with other strategies, like breathing, mindfulness, meditation, grounding, etc etc.

To me, the biggest barrier with SH is the associated shame - once we can move past that, it gets easier to work on it - because we are less likely to get stuck in the cycle of SH -> shame -> Big Feelings -> SH.

I'm sorry that your agency over sharing something so vulnerable for you was taken out of your hands. Have you spoken to this person about what happened, and how it has impacted you?

hey @ale_inmelb it's nice to hear from you 💗

i'm so sorry to hear that your flatmate shared something that wasn't theirs to share. i've had similar instances where my mum shared things about my mental health with a guest (i barely knew these guests as well). i remember feeling extremely betrayed, like my words meant nothing to them. to her, mental health wasn't a 'big deal' but to me, it was.

when these things happen it can feel like a setback on our journey, but i assure you, it doesn't take away from your progress. it sucks that this has happened to you, but you still have control of your journey. even just reading your post and how you've mentioned:

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@ale_inmelb wrote:

Maybe you relate. Maybe you’ve had people bring up your pain like it’s just a footnote in their conversation. If so, I want you to know: you’re not alone. Your progress is still real, even if this moment feels like a setback. And no one gets to measure your healing but you.

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this shows so much strength and growth, it's not always easy to remember this - but you did. as you've so wisely put it, i hope you remember that no one gets to measure YOUR healing but YOU. 💗

@rav3n

Thanks so much. July has honestly been one of the toughest months I’ve had in a while — emotionally, mentally, everything. But I don’t want to let all that negativity carry over. I’m choosing to leave it behind and step into August with a lighter heart and a more hopeful mindset. Here’s to better days ahead. 🌱✨

do you read astrology? @ale_inmelb cos we just finished up cancer season (june 21-july 22), and this sign is associated with sensitivity and emotional depth... and i can definitely relate to feeling quite emotionally overwhelmed this month too. it's also an important reminder to nurture ourselves and be gentle.

i'm gonna follow in your footsteps and leave the negativity behind as we step into August too. we've got this 💖

@rav3n

i do read astrology sometimes. it's actually pretty fun to do that