Broke up with my boyfriend

Hi @charlie18 and welcome to the forums.

I'm sorry to hear that this has created so much distress for you. When folks come out as trans, it can often cause a lot of shock and confusion - this is coming from someone who has been on the other side of that! When I changed my name to better reflect my (nonbinary) identity for example, there was a lot of difficulty - especially for those who had known me the longest. It does take time to process these things, and you're not automatically bad for having this reaction. I still don't know if my mum has accepted that I want top surgery, lol.

I am curious about your experiences in this - was it a shock? Did it seem to come out of nowhere? It is okay to feel some grief. Do you think that you would still like SOME sort of relationship with her?

I am about to head off for the night and I only work weekends, so I will come back to check in next Friday when I am online next 😉

Hey thanks for the reply

yh it was such a shock we’ve been together for a couple of years. And she was a white cis straight man and I honestly never would have seen this coming.

Im of course accepting of her and her journey and I want to be supportive. But it’s so hard because everytime she finds happiness in all these realisations she’s having about herself it honestly breaks my heart a little. And with everything small thing she changes it feels like it’s chipping away at the boy I fell in love with and who I wanted to marry.

I fell so hard for him when we first met and I never looked back or imagined my life with anybody else. And ik it’s selfish to think about only these things but I feel as though I’m grieving a future that I dreamed of with him.

In a way it feels like he’s dying. And Ik logically she will always be the same inside and that the changes she’s going to go through want change her heart and kindness ect. But still I feel as though I’m losing him and that soon enough he’s going to be gone if not already. I mean currently he still dress and looks the same as I’ve always known him but ik she’s starting to try things so it’s only a matter of time before he is gone.

But yh I would still like to be friends with her it’s just hard seeing her like this because when she changes things and looks different I feel uncomfortable and then I feel guilty for feeling uncomfortable because I truly just want her to be happy. But also ik she’s going through a tough time figuring things out and idk how to be there for her and take care of myself at the same time (I’ve had some health issues) but also just in general you know mentally and everything

It's hard. There are different perspectives on trans identities - from affirmation to gender critical; wherever you sit is fine. You can love your partner but not agree with their transition; or you can affirm it but not choose to be their partner anymore. My medical student friends husband told her he wanted to mtf; she left. He changed his mind, stayed male, and they're back together.

It's really hard on you. All the best.

I really hear you. My son is trans mtf. When he came out I was in shock and heart broken. I didn't react very well. Even though he takes hormones he has not had any surgery.

I felt like my son was dying too, and it was incredibly difficult to watch. The grief is still there but I have learned to live with it. How I manage is to remember he is still the same person inside.

Our son has several special needs which makes living independently difficult for him. He has chosen to live with us. We have a very good and loving relationship with him, based on each one's right to their own opinion.

I hope this helps.