TW: Religious/Spiritual Trauma

@Catlady1979 I am glad the new church has a better feel. I have experienced a fair bit of religious/spiritual trauma. At the moment I am interacting in 3 churches and doing a concert in a 4th. My spiritual trauma goes way back, and in different ways, so maybe that is why it is unfolding currently the way that it is. 5 years ago I was deeply hurt, but felt I had no choice but continue. Now I am more connected and have more support in different ways, so I am not as thrown by unChristlike behaviour, as I was. Maybe I am meant to reflect and compare and even comment on these different congregations. My current church where I play the organ has had difficulties getting a minister and was even called unsafe. I can see why. I just didn’t want to keep moving on.

One guy with a Phd in New Testament studies, sent me an academic article about the prevalence of narcissism within the church. Yep then, 3 years later wanted me to go off with him unmarried, but for him to still act in official chaplaincy roles. Hmmm. I felt that would generate ethical issues. so I have to lose my rose coloured glasses about it all. I just maintain my service, but not relying on church for my mental health.

I am turned off by the amplified music style, but a Sacred music person in choral, organ, recorder and classical areas. Studied Liturgical studies decades ago, and take music ministry seriously. Also have a counselling qual, not from churches. Happy to chat.

@Appleblossom

Thank you for responding.

I just never thought in a million years that going to church as a Christian would be worse than the two DV relationships I was back in my unbelieving days but here I am facing it.

When I think back to the day I was told to repent of the "sin" of depression, I should've ended the session before it even started the second those women admitted they weren't counsellors.

It's hard to fathom how these prayer meetings, healing rooms and the like even allow people who don't even have any credible qualifications in counselling or anything related to it to act in that type of role dealing with distressed people even if they're not charging money - It just shouldn't be allowed ever!!

Another thing I was mildly disturbed by were the amount of divorces I saw in that particular Christian circle - Two couples got married with 3-4 months of meeting now one couple is divorced and another couple is separated.

The female half of the second couple is a good friend of mine and she believed her husband's testimony and let's just say, she found out who he was at church is very different to who he was at home.

My friend also left this Pentecostal church and attends a church of a different denomination as do I now (we don't attend the same church though)

Money was another big focus for this church and I'm hard pushed remembering any sermon where it wasn't mentioned in some way.

I think for me it was the unChrist like behaviour that I couldn't continue exposing myself to - For me to continue worshipping and fellowshipping under the circumstances I mentioned in my first post was degrading and demoralising.

It didn't come down to being offended, it came down to maintaining my mental health and emotional wellbeing as well as my self-respect and dignity - Towards the end, it was depressing being there.

Nobody should ever have to feel like they need to duck, dodge and weave in order to avoid potential drama or awkwardness with those who had blocked them on social media and ignored them in real life - That is not a safe group of people to worship and fellowship with and it's definitely not a safe church to attend.

It's certainly nice to know that I can now go to the new church without having to feel like I need to duck, dodge and weave whenever I see certain people, at least here I can confidently say hi or chat to anyone without any potential awkwardness or drama - That is what a church should be, a safe place!!

While I'm taking the necessary steps to move on from this experience, I also know it'll take time and some therapy to get through it.

@Catlady1979 No, we shouldn’t have to duck, dodge and weave for fear of unpleasant drama in social and religious settings. Yes, some people put on a front in church which is insincere. I am glad you have some friendships and can see ahead through the difficulties of navigating tricky social “seas”. I had a lot of isolation, and try and find ways to connect. I am learning to accept that I don’t have to connect with everyone and find the best path of living and letting live, without enforcing unity, but allowing diversity. I am a work in progress too. Definitely one of my lines.

take care 🍏 apple 🍎

@Appleblossom

I'm not perfect by any stretch but then again I don't claim to be but it doesn't cease to amaze how some of these people (including the three people who blocked me on social media) can front up at church acting like the perfect Christian, treat those they like with all the love and respect in the word yet treat others as if they're less than dirt.

The funny thing is, these three people actually didn't know me that well at all and I still don't know why they blocked me (I only found out they did because I was a moderator for the church pages) but it did cause a lot of discomfort and I chose not to continue worshipping and fellowshipping under those circumstances.

You're right when you say that we don't have to befriend and connect with everyone at church as that would be an unrealistic expectation but we should always at least be polite to those we encounter - Church should always be a safe place for people.

None of us have any right to speak, behave and treat someone in such a way that they feel worthless, degraded, unwelcome and unsafe - This very behaviour in Christian circles is usually what drives people to at best question and/or alter their faith or at worst walk away from it all.

With the above said, there were also some very sincere believers at the old church and one of them sent a text this morning asking how I was and I responded by saying I was fine, they also asked if I was going to a new church and I said yes and that I'm happy there. They concluded the conversation by saying that they hope to see me again sometime and I said I could do that down the track...This lady is one of the more sincere believers.

For now, I have to work on forgiveness, healing and moving on 🕊️

Agreed @Catlady1979 that churches SHOULD be welcoming, respectful and kind places. It is good you volunteered as a moderator. The genuine generosity and volunteer work of many people can be a great thing about churches. The hypocrisy is not. I tended to prefer people who devoted a significant part of their lives to doing the GOOD WORK, often those with professional training. Often people in church just don’t have the background or awareness. Many are motivated by their version of good intentions. Yet training isn’t everything, common decency, or a sense of humility are important too. I try and broaden my acceptance to what is realistic and pray.

However, as I explained in my previous post, I had a questionable invitation this year from someone I originally met in my church. He had left my city and went regional but jumped from position to position. In one way it was flattering and he liked excitement and travel, but I would have had to Risk everything and he was committing nothing, but more importantly it would have been a false relationship as no church condones that behaviour. I know see it as a learning experience. I come from 2 generations of institutional sexual abuse (including church and state) and not in a position to know NORMAL standards or judge others. Mostly I was forced to trust. It is tricky because we don’t want to give fellowship to people doing the wrong things. So, I continue to give back to communities to honour the good charity I received as a small child. As a mature educated person, now, I have the responsibility to stand firm for decency as I conceive it. Yes, and forgive within ethical boundaries, but also to call out BS. I see, less than ideal everywhere, but to a point, that is fine. I prefer to leave the idea of perfection to God.

Good luck.

I am enjoying the birdsong outside and need to get on with the day.

@Appleblossom.

Thanks for taking the time to respond and share your experiences.

You're absolutely right, there are a lot of church people who have their own version of good intentions and many have little to no background, awareness, education or qualifications in topics such as disability, mental health, etc.

Unfortunately some also project their own "beliefs" on these topics even when it's wrong, insensitive and inappropriate to do so.

At my old church I got heavily involved with a few people on a social level and that didn't always work out so at the new church I don't intend to get too heavily involved with anyone outside the church building.

Have a great night 🕊️

I guess we live and learn @Catlady1979

👏🌹