Carer involvement during mental health hospitalisation

Hi, I am someone with complex PTSD and care for my partner that has four mental health issues. I am his support and partner. He's been in hospital three times since we met and I can answer your question from a caregivers point of view.

It has been my experience that NO! Mental health services do not include or respect the role, information we have or our feelings or that of our loved ones when they are in hospital.

I was completely shut out the first time. The second time was better but despite knowing better they asked if I was his mother every single day for two weeks. I am not nor do I look like a sixty year old woman. I addressed many times and was just ignored. They did however allow hugs and hand holding between us which were paramount to his care. However this varied from worker to worker and he was set back each time they snapped at us for totally PG affection.

This time they have out right lied. Many times. They were told by both myself, and him that I was to be kept informed. They then ignored multiple calls and letters to find out how he was. For over a month they acted like I wasn't significant enough l, even told me I needed to be officially De facto status to be allowed to be informed when in fact I just needed to be his girlfriend and have his permission which I did and they ignored it and him. Causing such miscommunications and deep deep distress in us both. They then said legal had confirmed they'd been wrong all along and we supposed to have been keeping me informed all along and had one conversation that gave no answers to my questions. The doctor said he wasn't discharging him but the next day I called the hospital ward told me he was gone. For four days I had no clue where my partner was. I was beside myself. No clue if he was safe, doing better or not. They eventually told me the mix up was that o should have been informed that day that he'd been transferred not discharged.

This matter is still happening now and is on going but my extensive experience in multiple hospitals, clinics and mental health services is that they neither value nor care about the family and partners of those in the care of mental health services. Nor do they care of the stress and demage done to both because of their neglect. Just like anyone if not more so, those with mental health issues NEED love, their people/person and to get hugs from them if that's their thing. Yelling or snapping at us for hugs or making hugs a bad thing dose such demage their is no words big enough for it. Isolating someone in such conditions is also not good for them. Nor is it pleasant for us! In short I'm in hell and he's left terrified alone in a place he already hates being in.

I have zero trust or respect for most places because of how they actively harm, insult and try to break me and my partner.

Hey @Charlotte30 ,

Thank you for your post.

I have been in hospital many many times and each time, I asked for my next of kin and family NOT to be contacted. I did not want their involvement in my care at all - that was my personal choice.

However, the opposite happened, and they contacted my family WITHOUT my permission.

I got very upset and frustrated. I also felt very hurt.

So yeah... that was my experience.

Hey @Charlotte30 @ForUs88 ,

Based on what you have shared, I can say that there needs to be more support for carers/family if they are part of the person's care.

I know that there are an increasing number of carer peer workers to help fill some of the gap, but probably not enough.

@ForUs88 , I'm sorry to hear about your experiences and how unwelcomed you felt when it came to the care of your loved one. I really hope things improve.

Is there legislation around the treatment of carers and family members? I thought there was, but that may have just been a policy from a service that I've read.

Thank you so much for your response. I am so sorry for your experience. I felt dismissed in my recent experience as a mental health carer for a family member in a mental health ward. In 8 weeks visiting my family member, only one staff member called me by name. So I hear you; it's really rough, sending kindness and compassion

Thank you, I appreciate that, it's on going for us at the moment and yeah when you're loved one is hurting it's extremely tough to be shut out. I have even been asked if I'm his mother! By staff. I do not look like a twenty five year olds mother - I am his girlfriend.

I swear they do it to make me not want to come back or something. But this time they have band me entirely and I cannot check if it's actually his choice. I'm very worried. Our experiences all this time suggest those that seperate and cut us off are not going to be good help to either of us.

I am very sorry you too have been through the ring of it. It's not good for anyone I hope improvements can be made soon.