Breaking Point

@tyme

I'm okay - sort of.

The family member and I were able to talk and sort this situation out.

However I took a very strong stance on the following and stood by them...

🟠 Despite me explaining that my sleep pattern has been awful, they still accused me of lying about forgetting, etc.

I pretty much told them that they don't get to tell me how my brain works or what lack of sleep does to it.

🟢 I reiterated very strongly that threatening to hit me or give out my address to a stranger was not okay under any circumstances and that's it's a form of emotional abuse potentially bordering on coercive control.

They did some backpedaling and tried to use the excuse that they were angry and frustrated at me for putting the rubbish in the neighbour's bin instead of the public bin.

I responded by saying while I can understand them being angry that I failed to follow through on their request but I also made it very clear that I do not accept any form of abusive behaviour from anyone under any circumstances regardless of my relationship with them - That essentially shut them down on that matter.

🟡 I really thought about what happened, I realised how ridiculous the request in and of itself was and I thought "Why did I even entertain this crap"

So I asked them straight out why they didn't flush the dog poop down the toilet and put the rest of the rubbish in their own bin or even ask me to do that when I was there??

They said that they were sick of taking out the bins for the unit complex every week which I thought was fair enough.

They followed it up with other excuses and told me that it was none of my business, etc and I didn't really respond to that.

Here's what I'm planning to do moving forward...

🟧 I have softened a little on phone calls and texts - They're still allowed to call and text but I will only be answering one phone call per day from them (they call every day, usually multiple times every day and I've been working on reducing it slowly but surely)

🟩 I will be interacting less with them in general - So instead of weekly visits, it'll be fortnightly or monthly visits.

🟨 If they ever engage in behaviour that is considered to be coercive control or otherwise abusive again I will definitely be reporting them to the Police - I know this is an extreme measure and I'm really hoping it's one I won't ever need to take but if it becomes necessary I will take that measure purely to send a very strong message that abuse of any kind is never okay regardless of what reason, explanation or excuse they come up with.

My day hasn't been great but it was more peaceful than yesterday.

Thank you for sharing @Catlady1979 ,

It sounds like you had some time to reflect on what has happened, and you've been able to set some really healthy boundaries there - way to go!

I can totally agree with you that there is no reason that a person should hit or threaten you.... let alone because of a genuine mistake.

I'm so glad to hear you feel more at peace today.

Well done to you with the boundaries you have set.

I look forward to hearing how things go for you.

Hi there @Catlady1979 , thinking of you. Do you have much self-care activities planned for today?