Anonymously86Casual Contributor
Family trauma
- Hi all, first time poster. I guess if anything writing my story might, be a kind of therapy. This is a long post, sorry in advance, If you are reading this thank you. Been feeling depressed lately, I often feel like I just want to cry. I feel so isolated. I have 2 very young kids, I have a good husband. But I have no friends, I moved to an area to be closer to be my sister, but the opposite happened. She developed pretty severe mental health issues and was back and forth in hospital. In that time she disconnected herself from everyone. I tried for years to be supportive, constantly send her messages and jokes and tried to catch up with her whenever she was up for it. In the end I am just tired of pushing it, you can't give from an empty bucket and I am running on empty. Both my parents are narcissist, my mum has been absolutely horrible. I blame her for my relationship with my sister being this bad. Because for years she would invite my sister to my family home or she would go to my sister's and I am not invited. Family gatherings don't happen, we don't even celebrate birthdays as a family anymore, and to be excluded every time they get together. I finally had enough last year. My mum would make very little effort to visit me or meet me, yet every week when I spoke to her she would ask "when are you coming to visit". After a few weeks of fobbing off the question, I finally decided one week , ok I will go. And I told my mum a date I could go to hers. It is a long trip for me to go to my mum's and I don't drive, hence why I had put it off. But in the end she answered that " oh no I am going to your sisters place" I was hurt and told her that she is part of the problem if she is not helping bring the family back together again. That day she met my sister was awful, my daughter goes to preschool a couple blocks from where my sister lives and it was on her school day. Walking to drop her off, I kept wondering if I would run into my mum and sister together. That's not all too, going back a few years I had a miscarriage and my mum didn't care. She never called me to ask how I was, yet she has almost weponised that trauma. Last we fought, she told me I was full of resentment. Her appology was a kick to the gut because it was actually a really nice apology and what I had been wanting from her, till she concluded it by saying "how long are you going to hold onto resentment" it made me feel honestly mentally ill, my brain was playing a game of tetris trying to accept the appology,but I just couldn't. The final blow she delivered was when she said " my baby wasn't a baby but a miscarriage" I was speechless, how could she be so cruel,my own mum. I hung up the phone with her and have had minimal contact with her since. I will send her generic messages for special occasions like her birthday, mother's day, because it doesn't feel right not too. But otherwise I will not return any other messages pleeding for me to reach out, which are just pleas to make me feel sorry for her and guilt me. I do feel guilty, but I am scared of her at the same time, I can't continue to live in a family I don't belong anymore. I don't know if I am doing the right thing, and sometimes wonder if I overreacted, I don't know what to do, but my kids need me. Especially my oldest who has alot of challenges, Thank you for reading.
