4 months pregnant and scared

Hi @Seren I am Iris, one of the moderators on the forum and I would like to welcome you to the forum and thank you for sharing your wonderful news.

Unplanned pregnancies can be quite disruptive to ones environment and mental health as you have mentioned is the case for you. Feels of anxiety can be quite normal during pregnancy and getting extra support as you are doing is a great idea. I looked up a group called PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia) who may be able to offer you some extra support if you think that would also be helpful http://www.panda.org.au/ There may be other people on the forums who have experiences of similar situations to the one you find yourself in who may be able to offer you other helpful suggestions too.

@Seren

Try and see your pregnancy as a positive.I never met anyone or wanted a child for many years because I suffered a crap life,being a childhood obesity case,never wanted to bring a child into a world where such bastardisation exist in human behavior.I suffered emotional trauma which lead to my anxiety and depression.There will always be reasons why we feel so negative,not wanting to replicate our experiences,with environmental factors like your partner.Try and find help like Iris suggests.Try and look after yourself and baby whether it is exercise or eating properly to try to combat the depression , life's issues and hormones.

Thanks for sharing your story with us @Seren

I'm going to mention @PANDA, they are a specialist perinatal anxiety and depression service which @Iris has mentioned and they are also one of our partner organisations.

They should get back to you shortly.

I wondered if you might find any of these threads based around PND helpful to take a look at.

They can be found here and here

Hi @Seren, I was in a similar situation to you 27yrs ago and my son turned out just fine. I had had a major breakdown 2yrs before (same labels as you after 4months in hospital). I got preg to a predictor, had no real support, was frightened I wouldn't cope or get PND or even harm the child ... I truly know the frightening things that go through the mind - they're just thoughts, you get to devide which ones to pick out focus or take action on. So - I mentioned my concerns to my antinatal team and they organised a nurse to do home visits after the baby was born, my only visitor, for a long while which was reassuring in some respects. I was so lonely too.

Over the years i learned theres a few 'natural' things you can do for yourself re depression instead of pills. Things that stimulate endorphins and serotonin...

(1) eat healthy

(2) drink lots of quality filtered water

(3) 40min walk a day, in sunshine and fresh air, and swim once a week, do TaiChi or yogo

(4) Hot refined Coco drink

(5) avoid sugar and diet drinks )

(6) relaxation or meditation exercises

(7) build up support network - psychologist, support group of similar interests

(8) get into Hobbies you like..

There really is so much we can do for ourselves. Each of the above things are subtle but all add up and you will notice the difference even just doing a few. And you have mother nature on your side - all those 'feel good' hormones kicking in soon and a powerful urge to nurture and protect your baby. Trust you'll be OK, and by the way - congratulations!

Its so exciting, having a baby, they are such little darlings. Start buying little things for the nursery - this always gave me a lift. You'll know instinctively what to do - trust that inner voice. You're gonna be OK you know.

As for the father - I haven't met a man yet that quite 'gets' the pregnancy thing. Its not until the physical presence and interactions of the bany are obvious to them that the penny starts to drop. Try not to let this get to you, or read into it too much as they do get there, just a bit slower, poor blokes, and I'm sure he loves you just the same. He might be concerned about how it will work out too, especially if you're shakey, give it time. Stay strong, just you and God, ponder things in a positive light. Worry, or being anxious about everything just drains you dry - let go what you can't control, stay in the present moment more.

This beautiful gift you have growing inside you, what I joy! (I love babies buy the way, can ya tell lol, I was even a midwife in my better years, all those gorgeous babies). I use to talk to my growing babies inside and tell them to 'hang in there' - reassure them things are fine, we'll work it out and i cant wait to meet you... And i'd hum sweet songs. Grab yaself a rocking chair if you can and start self soothing for practise.

You'll know what to do. I wish you all the very best by the way, one day at a time and remember to be kind to yourself! xox

Hi,

Thank you to everyone who replied, I'm very grateful. I've been in contact with PANDA who are great, as well as the pregnancybirthbaby hotline which also has a counsellor and is open more than PANDA. My local community health centre has lots of support as well. Thankfully I've found there is actually a lot of support for new mum/ young families which I had no idea about.

Things are improving in my relationship which is helping alot, and probably more importantly I realised that I'm going to be ok looking after my baby. I just need to put in place supports and figure out some routine now. My mood feels more stable, maybe because I'm not feeling so much stress from external factors.

I've always tended to isolate a lot, its a challenge although its good aswell, because I won't be able to do that so much anymore just to survive and also to stay well.

Thanks again 🙂

That's great news @Seren, thanks for letting us know. Baby hormones can make us sensitive too (all part of moulding us into wonderful carers / mums), you be gentle on yourself - baby steps (pardon the pun lol). A new adventure for you. I sense its a boy for you, maybe. Please come back to this thread and leave updates how you are going, I'd love to hear your progress. A whole new adventure. xox

PS Can you see the baby in the picture? 🙂