"You're not welcome" -bullying

Hey @The-red-centaur

I see you

I could tell you that it's her insecurities, that she's jealous, etc.

But it's more than that.

I don't know how old you are or what kind of context you're speaking from but I know that it takes a strength and maturity to respond as politely and well mannered as you did.

I'm proud of you.

@The-red-centaur I'm so sorry that you have had this happen to you. It can be so hurtful especially when all we want is to feel accepted and feel like we belong in society. Please know that you are so valued here and you are heard ❤️.

Like @avant-garde I really think the way you handled it was incredible given how much restraint that would have taken and I'm also so proud of you.

I'm sending you hugs and again I'm sorry they have made you feel like this, know that I'm here for you ❤️

Oh @The-red-centaur that's so frustrating, it's happened to me many times.

Hope you can get a good night's sleep ♥️

@The-red-centaur that's such a horrible situation for you to be in and I'm sorry.

To me, that speaks more about the other person than it does about you. It sounds as if she has some things to work on and reverts to belittling others to make herself feel good.

Have you heard of the Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins? Basically, we try too much to control other people when all we have within our control is ourselves and our own reactions and behaviours.

Sooo, it goes something like this...

Let Them behave how they're going to behave, Let Them say what they need to say, Let Them....then, Let Me decide if this is the kind of person/energy/situation you want in your life. Let Me decide what to do with the information they've given me about the kind of person they are.

It shifts the power to you, my friend. It allows you to detach from things that are outside of your control (other people's reactions, words and behaviour) and to focus in on your values, wants and needs to decide what and who you want in your life.

It's not easy and it's a strategy I constantly have to remind myself of. But, it's helpful.

@NightFury @MissGremlin @avant-garde

Thank you for the support.

I tried to not react to the situation at the time. I brushed it off and said ok or sure. I tried to act with manners and respect.

My all abilities soccer club has people with multiple disabilities and ages. I think I'm the oldest at the club, and I think she is the youngest. Im twice her age. She is still in highschool.

I know that doesn't dismiss her behaviour but it gives context. I understand she is probably going through a hard time and takes it out on those around her.

I have tried to act with kindness, understanding and respect to everyone at training. I think she doesn't like me being confident, welcoming, supportive, encouraging, and accepting of everyone there.

Because I'm older I understand that having a disability can be hard, especially with our self esteem so I want to show that everyone there is worthy of praise and respect regardless of thier abilities.

Im also terrible at soccer, my abilities aren't great, also my scars show I have a troubled past. I may be an easy target. I just want to be accepted in the club (I joined this year) her words hurt. But I won't let it undermine me. I am still me and in control of how I respond to the bullying. I will still show compassion and respect to her. If it continues I will speak to her mother for advice and go the team manager and/or coach.

@The-red-centaur whilst it doesn't dismiss what she is doing, it explains that there's still a certain level of maturity that she is yet to reach.

You are amazing in being confident, welcoming, supportive, encouraging and accepting even despite what you have been through. I know her words will hurt but know that you are worthy of being there and you deserve kindness and to be accepted no matter where you are.

Your scars tell a story just like mine do, they show that we have been through alot but despite it all we have risen and are determined to make our lives better ♥️.

Keep being the amazing person you are, you have come such a long way and I'm so proud of you ♥️

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@The-red-centaur wrote:
And thank you. Im trying to be the better person.

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I'm sorry for what you had to deal with, but some people, especially when in a group, are like this. It doesn't make it any better or easier to deal with, but I like to think of it as it's more to do with them than it is you.

Do you think any of them are opening up on how they feel and telling people they're trying to be the better person?! Probably not. But you are. The irony of situations like this is, in my opinion and experience, it's usually the person who says they're trying to be better, is not the one who needs to try in the first place.

You know they were just trying to get a reaction out of you, but you didn't. Despite how you felt, you remain calm and polite. That says so much about you and the person you are. It no doubt annoys them that you're so much smarter and a better person than them, so jealousy take over and they try to knock you down. So well done for seeing through it and not giving them what they wanted. I wouldn't welcome people like that in my team, so try not to let them get to you. You deserve better than being treated like that. Like I said at the start, you're the one that comes out looking like the better person. Not that it would make it any less difficult to deal with.