BluedragonCasual Contributor
Great concern for a loved one
I have been dating a man who is 56 for 7 months (I am 51). He is neurodivergent (aspergers).
The last time we saw each other (a week ago) we had a pretty intense discussion about our relationship and relationships in general. He's also been under a lot of stress recently.
The next day he text me saying he had had a psychotic episode. He told me when we first started dating that he had had a psychotic episode 8 years go. He was hallucinating and hearing things. He said he got so bad he'd gone to a psychiatric ward and they had given him the option of being an out patient or being admitted. He chose out patient. I assume he was medicated although I don't know that for certain. When he told me about that, I felt like he had known when things were getting too much for him and knew when to ask for help.
In the text he sent me on Saturday, he told me he didn't need anything. He just needed space "to work this out". He had said he didn't want to tell me but he felt he needed to because he didn't think he'd be "okay in the coming days". He was apologetic. He told me not to call.
I was concerned but he said "not my first rodeo" which made me think he might be able to deal with what he was going through with time. He's fiercely independent so pushing him to get help isn't an option.
I replied saying I was there for him if he needed me.
He does have a tendency to withdraw from time to time if overstimulated/overwhelmed. I decided to give him space. He text me two days ago. This is the day I'd normally go to his place to spend a couple of days. He said "I have no idea what to do about this except to say that I don't know". He then said I was the only one who knew and it needed to stay that way. He said "scary shit" and ended with "Sorry. I never expected this to happen again." I replied saying I was glad he reached out and I was there for him in any way he needed, that I was sorry for what he was going through.
Yesterday I reached out saying I was thinking of him. He replied almost immediately with "X".
I am concerned. Because he's autistic, he doesn't have many friends. He lives on a rural propery with his daughter (who's 20) but she's not home a lot. He has a brother who rings him most days but probably wouldn't be concerned for a while if he didn't hear anything.
I don't know what to do. He an extremely, deeply private man. I don't feel like I can betray his trust in me. I do have his daughter's phone number but she doesn't have mine. Right now I don't feel like I can reach out to her.
What should I do? I know that ringing him or sending too many texts will probably make him withdraw from me completely and I don't want that.