Missing relationships

@avant-garde slightly different circumstances but similar feelings that you speak about.

I moved to left Tassieland on boxing day 2023 for a number of reasons, and landed in QLD. I spent a whole year crying every night because I was homesick, lost and constantly living in fear mode, terrified of life outside of what was comfortable and familiar to me. I had taken myself away from the people that I cared about - from my family, from my friends and from the connection I had with my home. Being away from them...hurt. I was already a little broken to be honest (as I'm starting to understand and accept now. I left because I was S and in pain and terrified of it) but my experience of QLD and what ended in a complete break down of my friendships there, shattered me into 1000 tiny pieces.

I spent Christmas of 2024 all by myself. The day you're supposed to be surrounded by family and friends - the person I thought was my friend walked out the front door and left me to deal with the emotions of Christmas day isolated from my family, on my own. This was the decision making catalyst I needed. I was sent some money for Christmas and the next day, I used that to book myself a ticket on the Spirit home.

Now, a little like you, I don't really get lonely either- I crave connection though. Connection on a deeper level with people who see, hear and know me. I want to talk about the big things, I want to be able to unmask and be my authentic self around them. I actually only have one friend who is able to do that for me and I am grateful that she is in my life.

I guess what I'm trying to say is...I can definitely relate.

Hearing you about anniversaries and missing relationships. @avant-garde it has happened hugely in my life, even though I am diligent about reaching out and keeping in touch. This week my new psychologist offered me a session on a public holiday that is also a birthday of 2 people close in my life that I have had to “let go” of; my dead sister and my grandson. These are little coincidences that maybe random or meaningful. I don’t know, but I will focus on the in the session.

take care @NightFury

@Appleblossom @NightFury

I find that when I'm sick (like with a cold right now) that I miss and grieve for someone to take care of me... to check in and to love me...

Me too @avant-garde me too.

And it's so complex because it then just hits like a sucker punch to the stomach, that those people don't exist in my life. I wonder what we could do though to take care of ourselves in that regard?

@NightFury

I watch kids shows, snuggle in with my numerous plushies and cry myself to sleep most often

@avant-garde oh hun, I don't know what to say...other than to reach out and give you hug through the screen.

I like this one best @NightFury

Tbh @avant-garde @NightFury I have never had that. People caring for me, as a kid, teen or grown up. Just had to man up in a tough world. Remembering my birthday has rarely been anyone else’s bother, just my son. Mostly I have had to do the caring, and sadly it is often not reciprocated. This year I wondered if things were changing as 2 men were “interested “, but it was not going to be deep or satisfying for me, as they were fixated on themselves and… you know what…best I face up to the probability there won’t be anyone. Yes, self care can be hard, but we find ways. Glad you two are chatting. Take care both of you…

@Appleblossom I didn't have it growing up either, I took care of my mum not the other way around. When I was sick it just gave opportunity for strong pain killers and more abuse being told that it was a sin issue and I needed cleansing.

I had to learn how to take care of me when I'm sick as an adult and had no one to teach me.

@Appleblossom thank you for sharing.

I actually hate that - having to man up in a tough world. It's been the same in my life - don't be vulnerable because vulnerability is a weakness, people take it and use it to hurt you. Yeah, I also realise how cynical that sounds. I had to learn how to celebrate on my own in a sense. Like for birthdays, I started my own tradition of buying myself a fancy cake.