Rough patches and burnout

Hi everyone,

I'm reaching out because I’m genuinely confused and overwhelmed, and I need some outside perspective.

I’m 40, autistic with ADHD, and I’m the full-time carer for my neurodivergent kids and husband. Life is full-on constant sensory input, emotional intensity, crisis management, and very little rest. I’m also deep in burnout. We’re preparing for a big move right now, and I’m stretched beyond my limits.

Lately, I’ve noticed that my emotions and energy levels are all over the place especially around my cycle. I’m dealing with what feels like hormonal shifts, and it’s making it even harder to trust my gut or feel grounded.

What’s been really bothering me, though, is what’s happening in my marriage.

My husband is also autistic, and I know he’s doing his best in his own way, but something feels off. There’s a pattern where I feel like I’m constantly managing his reactions, tiptoeing around things, and making myself smaller to avoid arguments or shutdowns. If I bring up a concern or need, it often gets turned around suddenly I’m too sensitive, overreacting, misremembering, or just being hormonal. I often end up apologising for having feelings. It’s subtle, not screaming or violence or threats, but I’m left feeling unheard, dismissed, and like I’ve done something wrong.

I started wondering if this was just a “rough patch.” But then something happened that really shook me. During a recent chat with my child’s behaviour practitioner someone who knows our family dynamic well she gently suggested that what I’ve been describing sounds like coercive control. I was floored. I hadn’t even said it out loud before. It’s been echoing in my head ever since.

And now I don’t know what to think.

Am I reading too much into things because of burnout and hormone overload? Or is something genuinely wrong here that I’ve been too deep in survival mode to see clearly?

I’m not looking to label anyone unfairly I just need help making sense of this. Has anyone else been in this space? Trying to untangle your own perception from potential manipulation, stress, and a dysregulated body? How do you know if what you’re feeling is valid?

I’d really appreciate hearing from others who’ve been here.

– Kat