So this week is Schizophrenia Awareness Week with the theme.... "Rethink the label, reclaim the story".
I thought I'd post a reflection on my thoughts on the theme with this significant week seemingly slipping by us unnoticed...
Unfortunately the narrative around this diagnosis has become a media football and Hollywood toy!
The ‘Bondi Occurrence'’ through to DC Comics ‘Joker’.
Schizophrenia is a much maligned chronic severe mental health issue which robs the roughly 1 in 250 who are diagnosed of the life they were going to live…. I’m one of them.
I know the difficulties faced post diagnosis.
Reclaiming the story would be something indeed but I would be happy to see ‘real advocacy’ not even for empathy / understanding (perhaps a ‘bridge too far’ as a societal achievement) but merely for monies for research for better services and wider option in medications…. If it’s a statistical reality that ‘some’ are going to get this diagnosis then we (society) can at least better fund for better lives.
Life took a different turn for me when graduating with honours from a bachelors degree in surveying with a view to being an Antarctic researcher diverted to a dulled medicated existence.
Years of persecutory voices, belief of my own spiritual criminality and other sensory deceptions endured for no purpose other than to be hospitalised repeatedly with an inability to financially support myself let alone contribute towards the World around me….
I would not wish this journey upon anyone. Endure and persevere ‘we’ must…. There is nothing romantic in madness. It’s a harsh prolonged experience that none can understand nor any wish to discuss.
The ‘story’ is rarely shared because there are no ears wanting to hear its harsh, f*#&ed up truth.
Please know that ‘we’ did not choose this and it can be difficult to maintain belief in your own worth when you feel like a burden on society let alone witness the disproportionate and regular comparison with perpetrators of heinous crimes all whilst knowing the plans you had in life that were indeed stolen from you.
The ‘story’ is in fact a tragedy…. What would be the worth in sharing the intricacies of an all too familiar madness (for ones self) that infrequently but inevitably removes one from the ‘shared reality’?
Does anyone really want to know what it is to have to live such solitary existence between the ‘shared reality’ and the ‘mad reality’ that irregularly reaches out and drags one away from regular life without option or choice in the matter?
On Wednesday I go in for surgery for a knee replacement and all of my specialists agree that as a result of the general anesthetic I can expect to go into delirium and psychosis (that is to say ~ ‘my madness’ will ensue).
It is not something I have a choice in…. Just a sad awareness that I am soon to lose touch with this world once again…. For how long I do not know. My hope is merely that this time the prolonged depression does not follow the madness as it has in recent past…. Then I can look forward to getting the other knee done in a few months and once again allow my reality to become separate from the norm.
It is a scary proposition to knowingly give up your connection with the shared experience of the world but when you essentially have no choice in the matter…. Well you never did have any choice in it and it would be arrogant to think you did.
See you on the other side ~ when I return from my anticipated unwelcome sojourn into the murky netherworld.
‘Reclaim the story’ for what purpose I ask? for although it is (for me) a familiar story of misguided trepidatious navigation in a dark dank cave of strange inhabitants there are none that truly wish to hear its ugly truth.
Madness serves no purpose other than to punish without reason those who are forced to endure it (along with their loved ones in a different manner).
I have a need for my madness to hold some purpose so I choose to believe that by interaction my experience aids others to develop empathy and compassion for that which they do not understand. Perhaps I chose to be the statistical 1 in 250 so that others whom I am familiar with didn’t have to experience the strange existence of solitude amidst the many (a solitude chosen by oneself - because although gregarious by nature - solitude is essential to maintain health as ‘too much going on’ invites the madness to again take hold).
God bless the mad for our experience is not one of our choosing.