The grief in driving away from the hospital

Or is it relief? It's hard to tell:)

Hi, I'm Purplewife and I'm new here. Today it's one week since I drove home and left my husband in the hospital. The grief/relief has been hard to separate (not to mention all the other feelings!) but I'm finally at the point where I would like to tell someone what's going on. And it's hard to find the right person in real life. Most people don't seem to understand why this is affecting me so much and think I should just get over it....but do you just get over hospitalising the person who is your life mate, your best friend, your love?

It's probably clear I'm new to this caring business. My husband of seven years - my rock, really - never even really got a bad cold. And then 3 months ago I notice he's a stressed, two months ago he tells me he's dead and a week ago I finally get someone to listen to what we are both trying to say: he's not well and the psychosis is getting worse and we need help before he metes out the punishment he thinks he deserves on himself. Hence the relief and the grief.
But the grief gets worse as his diagnosis and treatment become clearer. The grief for a future planned together that I can't currently see that we'll be able to have. And I'm pretty sure you don't just get over that.

Thanks for listening.