I think I'm broken?

So I'm dating this guy, he lovely, and so kind and understanding and is pretty much everything I ever hoped for in a partner, but I'm struggling.

I have always struggled maintaining relationships, friends, family and romantic. I have a tendency to back away from everyone and become hyper independent. And since I started dating this guy, I've noticed it a lot more. Everything feels amazing and fine one second and then something happens and I feel like I need space from him and that it'll be easier if I was alone. I feel broken. I don't understand why, even when things are great, I get the uneasy feeling and want to run. I hate how it feels and I also hate knowing how confusing it must be for him.

I am struggling to let him into my life, every time I try and freak.

On Easter weekend for example, he went away with my family and me, he was the first boyfriend who has ever done that with my family. I ended up freaking out so bad, I was barley holding myself together and I drove home early.

I feel frustrated with myself, why can't I just be normal? I hate that I'm so broken and messy.

I'm finding it so difficult to help myself and my habits.

Does anyone understand or been through something similar? I really hope there's someone out there that understands me