Sharing our thoughts of the day - the good, the bad, the ugly, the inspirational

Hello @Former-Member

I feel headachey but also good today.

I had good news re visit to nurse .. re weight and blood pressure .. Yay ..

and I didnt buy icecream to celebrate ..lol

At least I can stay off those meds!

That's great news @Appleblossom - a clean bill of health. Not surprised you are a bit headachey if you are enduring the excessive heat we have had here. Have been the same.

You are sounding so much better of late and I can't tell you how happy that has made me. What thoughts do you think has helped towards this? I find nature and walking along the beach helps pick me up when down. Your an inspiration @Appleblossom 💕🙂

hello @Former-Member @Appleblossom

I was just passing by the threads and read your heading "the good, the bad, the ugly, the inspirational".

I broke down and sobbed. I immediately tried to check my feelings because my husband is here today and dont want to upset him. I know I know. It makes it easier for me at the moment.

I wrote somewhere on the site about self esteem and how yesterday mine had lifted and I mentioned "today". well it didnt even last 24hrs.

I had some news about my son via my other son. alarming for me and i spent ages on the telephone last night ringing public hospital emergency wards and psychiatric wards.

I cant go in to detail at moment needless to say I was very distressed. continued phone search this morning and amazingly found him. keeping in mind and using confidentiality, privacy, respect which I feel strongly that he deserves. Asking general questions was able to have confirmation ...was he distressed? no was he safe? yes

i rang my ex husband and also my son. son told me his brother had been in some sort of accident. dont remember him telling me that last night. asked son to reassure grandma who had initially recd call from a stranger that she didnt understand. Then I rang ex husband, dad, for him to tell me that he spoke to him yesterday on the phone.???????????????? i was concerned for him thinking that he must be out of his mind like me.

So now husband furious that his dad did not let me know. I am tiptoeing around him. I also am wondering now about accident. beaten up??? all sorts of horrible stuff going through my head. i have told myself that I was reassured that he is safe.

Also rec'd email yesterday from my work ongoing saga not response I needed. Advocate whom i wanted to take over all of the crap sent me an email with 20 questions. Chest pains!! Husband tried to help me but i just lost it with anxiety.

so today am sending response im finished with it all. they win as they are relying on my mental health becoming too much for me to stay strong. yes mental health gets another slap in the face.

appleblossom lovely to hear some positive news for you. well done for getting to where you are.

i do hope that I will not upset anyone with this but needed to regurgitate it rather than suppress it.

love to you all - i will reply later

in middle of decluttering, cleaning house for photographer for sale.

@Former-Member - I am so pleased that you didn't suppress your pain and regurgitated it here. That you expressed your thoughts and feelings so freely here as this is what this thread is for. I hear you. Sincerely, I wish I could sit with you and give you a hug and just listen to you. But instead I send a genuine cyber hug and read and listen with my heart.

I have read your post over a few times now and I can honestly say I can relate to your pain and anguish somewhat. I don't have all the answers as I suffer a similar situation only to say that in my experience it is a roller coaster ride, with its ups and downs...,and when the downs hit hard as with you now - hold on for your life until we start to go up again. As sometimes it just seems all too much. At those times I really need to let it out and then perhaps retreat to somewhere I feel some peace or relief (usually the beach or nature). But that type of anguish cannot be held in or we tip over. So glad you let it all out my friend 🤗

Dont be dismayed that your self esteem took a dive. When we are under such horrific circumstances as you are, that we have such little control over, our confidence will take a dive. Anyone's would. To have improved at all under the circumstances you are under is a real achievement. That no one can take away from you - not even life's adversities that can sometimes push us to the edge. You don't feel it now, but you are stronger. You are a survivor like me.

Really you shouldn't be going through all this anguish over your son's safety as there should be more psychiatric hospitals that look after people whom suffer such chronic mental illness. It isnt right. Too many are neglected and left on the streets and the distressing overflow to families whom can do nothing to help because their loved ones are too sick and out of control is horrendous. I feel this grief and frustration a lot. Those are my thoughts on this truly tragic situation that I hope you don't mind me saying.

We can only do our best dear @Former-Member, but the grief can be so hard and relentless at times.....Express yourself whenever you need to and give yourself all the time you need to grieve. We will walk this together.

Dont feel bad for losing it with anxiety - I did this often when my mentally ill daughter went missing. The not knowing they are safe or what is happening to them is mental torture - not dissimilar to what people go through when their loved ones go missing without trace. It's mental agony - I know. And yes it does adversely effect our own mental health, that is why it is so important to express this pain to others and not let it build up to the point our minds tip over. And to hold onto hope - no matter how small.

No one can do it alone, please know this. Am here for you my friend as are others - @Appleblossom and others could also relate. I just wish I could take the pain away for you....I still go through similar with my daughter myself. It is a situation I have no control over - all I can do is let her know I am there for here and love her - then just utilise the peaceful times when I can - hoping for the best always even when all seems hopeless. Or resign to what is.

Is there a mental health team that are looking after your son at all? Is that whom you mean by "they win". Don't answer ofcourse if you don't feel comfortable to do so. Just trying to get the full picture. But please keep expressing how you are feeling when you need to. We listen, we care and I am with you in spirit.

Are you putting your home on the market? If so all the best with that my friend. A new environment may just be the lift you need - ironically we are seeking to move also, somewhere on the water (made one offer but it was rejected). Will keep trying as what is meant to be this way will be, and things have to get better. They just have to.

Sending lots of love back to you always and look forward to your posts 💕🌹

hello @Former-Member @Appleblossom

Thank you for your support and interesting posts.

My post was a mass of confusion well representing how my mind was and also how hurried I was in releasing my thoughts.,

My son is an adult and is not under medical care of anyone as he does not believe he is unwell. Hence he moved to another state and will not divulge to any of us his whereabouts. His CTO expired in this state. He has underestimated his sleuth-hound of a mother though.

I have to say after reading different articles I do believe that there could be some mis-diagnosis of some of his symptoms Public mental health systems are very quick to categorise people into boxes with labels.

He is at present in a men's homeless shelter.

"they win" is about a different issue I have been dealing with in relation to my career, where I had to involve the union, who in turn exacerbated my situation, leading me to appoint an advocate. (an advocate to represent me in dealing with the advocates that I pay membership for (said union}, to assist in dealing with my employer whose values and mission statements reek of empathy and compassion) yes I am a tad angry.

so when i recd the email from employer, forwarded same to advocate and reply consisted of 20 questions ( the very reason for requesting her assistance to alleviate having to answer questions as I cant deal with anything to do with finance because of my career) I decided enough. The whole saga is making me feel worse. They are too big and know that someone with mental health can only cope with so much before it becomes detrimental to their health. Ergo "they win".

I have reached a stage where I have had to sift through what is the most pressing, most important disturbance that needs my full attention out of all of the different issues. answer "my son" and "myself".

So yesterday photographer arrived early to take photographs of house, on market yes, I emerged wearing sunglasses, "hello nice to meet you just on my way out" hoping to have disguised swollen face and red eyes. I drove to the library and hid in there for an hour. came out with 4 books: 3 non fiction 1 fiction:

coming through depression

The end - the human experience of death

colour your style

and a novel "writers block" by Judith Flanders

I have to say that writing it out on here helped tremendously; sobbing my eyes out in the bathroom also.

I would not have done this in the past.

Thank you again and again to all of you whom I have met and to those whom I am yet to meet xx

Thank you @Kurra for your kind words and thoughts and for thinking of me. I know of all people you would understand the anxiety my husband is going through with the return of his cancer. I think I am starting to get over the shock now and settling - I want to be strong and calm to support him better. This is my highest priority - hubby's welfare.

I have faced much adversity and this is another challenge to overcome. Please do keep us in your prayers as I have full faith this will help. So good about your news, this put a big smile on my face and is encouraging. Sending lots of ❤️

Hi @Kurra

I did think that they were one and he same. My husband was first diagnoses in 1998 and was given 18 mths to live, but he fought, prayed and sought the best medical experts (which at first was denied him as they thought his condition to be hopeless but he, we, fought back. But now it's come back. Ironically he said the same as you "Zuch is life". But it has rattled him - us. But he and you will win this battle. You will both beat the odds as there is much for both of you to do in this world yet. I have no doubt. And you are in our prayers also. Thank you and please keep us in yours. Much love 💕