"Functional Freeze' in PTSD

@Paralyzed you are not the only one to have suffered child sexual abuse. It is not the same for everyone though. Everyone has different responses to their trauma as well. There will be some similarities between traumas and responses. Whatever happened to you or however you responded you won't be alone.

In general, there has been some movement in people being able to speak out and some resources put into some aspects of CSA, however they are inadequate, they are often piecemeal, there is no integration.

Each survivor is forced to not only navigate their own trauma, but also their own recovery and pay for it themselves most commonly. A crime has been committed against you, but you pay for it through the mental health effects, but also the educational, financial, societal etc etc. You are unlikely to be successful in a legal case and you will most likely be re-traumatised if you go down that path. If you attempt psychological recovery you will pay for it because MH assistance is grossly underfunded.

What happened to me was decades ago, there has been some changes but they have been glacial in occurring. I did not speak out for decades.

It is difficult to find safe spaces to discuss CSA, I have not really done so and not with other survivors, so the silence continues. I have only mentioned some aspects of CSA that occurred to me to a psychologist just recently (more than 45 years after they occurred). On the SANE forums I am guarded about what I say, so I still am not 100% sure if others who have experienced similar trauma have used similar coping mechanisms and have any strategies for certain things. There are some support groups for CSA survivors, but they are not well advertised, so again each survivor has to do their own search to try and find them.

I am not sure what the reasoning is behind closing (or at least suspending) the chat line. I have not seen any communication regarding this, only what another person on the forums has posted.

@RachSANECEO who is the CEO of SANE said SANE are trying to get funding or advocate for CSA survivors I have tried to find out what this will look like and offered to be part of it, so far I have not heard anything further. So at the moment CSA survivors have a thread "Child Sexual Abuse (TW) in the open part of the forum. Anyone can start a thread as you know. There is also a space called Talking Through Trauma and PTSD it is an open forum so if you post there, your post will come up on the general discussions which is the landing page for logging in, so anyone on the forums can see your post when they login.

Hi Paralyzed,

Thank you for such a supportive and informative reply! I really appreciate you sharing your personal experience and also so many helpful links and information on how to deal with Functional Freeze. I am going to look into the the vagus nerve connection as it makes so much sense to me. Any temporary relief that I have had recently has been from doing yoga or cold exposure from floating in the cool sea water...which gels with what you've recommended. I am hoping that eventually if I continue these body-centering things I may calm the vagus nerve down enough to make decisions.

I'm going to go through the useful links you've provided as well. I wonder what the long term effects are of this freezing? It is still very hard for me to feel my emotions at all, and I agree this is a terrible condition to live with. Actually, just knowing about this condition of freezing has made me feel so much better as I thought it was just me personally not dealing with life and stuck in a groove of indecision. I also had a painful CSA experience at 14 years old that triggered dissociation and was the cause of my ptsd later as i blocked it out for many years. What happened was bad enough and I was lucky to get out of it alive, but parental neglect and denial made it impossible to talk about or deal with, and i actually think that parental betrayal was far worse than the actual physical abuse. Its so frustrating when family still dosnt understand or allow for my condition. I've kept so much from them that it feels like we are living in two different realities about the past. I think this condition and the dissociation has also affected my ability to remember things from the past, which is very disturbing as now I wonder if I am more likely to develop dementia as I get older.

Anyway, thank you so much for your reply, I will definitely be following your suggestions for dealing with this!

aria3

@aria3 hi!!

Just a lil tip, if you want other members to be notified that you've responded, you can tag them - use the @ symbol and a drop down will appear, and you can choose their name. If their name isn't there, you can type it out and it should then appear for you to select, then it will show up in blue, like this: @Paralyzed

😁

Thanks, @Jynx !

(My reply to @Paralyzed is above)

Hi @aria3

You are so welcome. I am so grateful to be able to help others, and I am glad that it has been helpful for you.

It's all about finding what works for you, and the only way to achieve this is by being well-informed. Once we discover what works, it's all about persistence and consistency in practising these treatments. Keep doing what you’re doing, and honestly believe you will get your hope and life in general will become more manageable and clear your mind so that you can make decisions.

Regarding the long-term effects of freeze and dissociation, all I can say is that there is hope for everyone, and it is possible to undo the damage that trauma has caused and regain our lives so that we can feel more emotions rather than endure a constant sense of numbness and emptiness. It does take a lot of patience, time, and effort to find a psychologist who fits, to discover the right treatments and therapies that work best for us, and to remain persistent. If you can do that, I believe anyone can go from surviving to thriving and live a wholehearted life. I began to lose hope and was uncertain whether my mental health professionals and I would ever be able to reverse the damage and if I would ever reclaim my life.

I told my last psychologist that I don’t know if I have the strength or willpower to continue on the path of recovery. Perhaps I should accept my fate, as this is who I am now, and try to live my best life. I am 45 years old, and I still have years left of talk therapy and doing the work that I need to do, to give me the best chance of building a life I don’t want to escape from. I almost gave up on therapy. I’ve said so many times before, what is the point of being human in this human experience we call life if you can’t feel and express all the emotions and feelings humans are designed to have and want to have relationships with other humans? I am existing, not living this life I have been given, and I am tired of living in a body that has been stored and filled with a lifetime of trauma.

I used to have regular shutdowns, and when I shut down, it would last for at least three to five days. When I was still with my ex, she would reach day three and say, "Okay, time's up." She would come into our bedroom, yell my name, and tell me to snap out of it. "Enough is enough!" Then she would walk out. Funnily enough, this worked, and I later learned that what she was doing was a good thing; it was similar to having a cold shower, for example. I would snap out of it and slowly return to my usual state until it happened again. Now that I live alone, it's up to me to get myself out of a shutdown, which isn’t always easy. When I am in a shutdown, I only get out of bed to go to the toilet, and that is all. I reach day three or four and have to start saying to myself, "That’s enough now, [say my name], and now you need to get up and start moving again." I repeat this repeatedly until I am up and out of bed. It happens less frequently these days, but it still happens.

I can relate to you on so many levels, and I understand what you said about parental betrayal being far worse. You are so right; it can be and is. All forms of neglect from our parents or caregivers and their impacts on our development, especially during the most crucial stages of our young minds and bodies, can be so damaging that they leave long-lasting effects, preventing us from living healthy, functioning lives as adults. I learned about the term ‘Failure to Thrive’ from the book The Body Keeps the Score, which was mind-blowing. See below for a short overview of the term.

~ Bessel van der Kolk's work, particularly his book "The Body Keeps the Score," highlights how trauma can impact a child's development, including their ability to thrive. He emphasizes that trauma doesn't just affect the mind; it also alters the body's systems, potentially leading to a range of difficulties, including failure to thrive.~

I am unsure if you know the term "inner child." I am a big believer and advocate for inner child work, and many different models are used in this therapy. However, Dr. Richard Schwartz is the original mastermind behind it and created the therapy system called "Internal Family Systems (IFS)." It’s all about reparenting ourselves and being the parent for us and all parts, more commonly known as our inner child, and it works. Gabby Bernstein, the author I mentioned in my first reply, is a massive advocate for IFS and has just released a book called Self Help, which is amazing! I bought it as an audiobook because it’s easier for me to retain information, and it can take me a long time to read a single book, and I love the sound of her voice. I have yet to get a hard copy because I like having one to highlight parts that I want to refer back to when needed. I will get a signed copy of her book when I see her live on the 12th of May. Finding a psychologist familiar with IFS who offers it as a therapy treatment is tough, but they are out there. I honestly believe that so many people would benefit from IFS. You can find some excellent podcasts featuring Dr Schwartz on Spotify and Gabby, who has her podcast called Dear Gabby.

Protector Parts - IFS

Managers - run the show, highly organised, always present.

Fire Fighters - may emerge when the managers protective techniques no longer work. They extinguish the flames of the intense emotions that the manager can no longer keep down.

I want to share a few quotes I have saved; they are powerful and meaningful. ‘Parents ruin more dreams than anyone’, ‘So many broken children living in grown bodies mimicking adult lives’, ‘But it made you stronger: I was a child, I didn’t need to be strong, I needed to be safe’, ‘I am proud of me because I survived the days, I thought I couldn’t’.

In response to your comment about dementia, it’s difficult to know, and dementia is present on both sides of my family. My late grandparents both had dementia, and I know that my granddad's mum had Alzheimer’s. Witnessing the effects of dementia on my grandparents and understanding the reality that I could also develop the condition, I have conducted dementia research and explored the suggested preventative measures we can take to reduce the risks. I was pleased to learn that mental exercises, like reading and puzzles, are effective methods for reducing these risks because I enjoy exercising my brain by reading, and I love puzzles like Sudoku and IQ tests.

Okay, that's enough rambling from me, haha. I hope this gives you more food for thought. Please reach out anytime if you have more questions or want to know more about my experiences, or whatever it may be. I am here to support you and help where I can, and we can walk this journey together.

Please take care, stay safe and be kind to yourself.

Hi @Paralyzed again,

Looking into the vagal nerve stimulation that you mentioned, I found this video which uses humming as a kind of meditation and vagal stimulation, I tried it and it seemed to help calm and re-energise me;

https://www.donovanhealth.com/healingfrequency/?cid=4b3544ea-1134-4d1a-8f19-d268978e18b7

I think the vagal nerve thing is really spot on to halt the PTSD freeze response.....it makes sense....

Thanking you again and also all the others responding, for all your info and the links,

@aria

Hey @aria3 , Thanks for sharing your experiences and what worked for you 🙂

Hey @aria3,

Thank you for sharing that link. I looked at the website and am a fan of sound baths. It is so good to hear that you are finding therapies that work for you, soothe your CNS, and reenergise you! Hypervigilance, dissociation, and freezing put the mind and body into overdrive, leaving us fatigued and exhausted, depleting our energy reserves. Soothing your CNS and sending it signals that you're okay allows it to relax and move into a calmer, more relaxed state, boosting your energy reserves.

Keep up the great work, and remember that persistence is the key. We also need to be mindful that the healing journey is complex and to try to be kind to ourselves. If we have a setback, then that’s okay. It’s all part of the process and journey. We do our best to accept it, and tomorrow is a new day, and we try again.

I was fortunate enough to experience sound healing when I was admitted to the same hospital twice, in 2023 and 2024. Sound healing was a therapy offered as part of the program, once a week for an hour. I always made sure to try all the therapies provided, especially if I hadn't done them before. The singing bowls and an hour of soaking in this environment was an experience, and during one session, I actually had an out-of-body experience, to the point where everything was black, and I didn’t exist; all my senses shut down. I was lying on my back, and when I came back to consciousness, my entire body jumped, and I opened my eyes in a state of shock, then refocused myself and finished the session. I hoped to continue this therapy when I returned home, but life has had other plans for me; however, I hope to do so again in the future.

Equine therapy is another excellent therapy that will definitely be one of my fondest memories and a memorable experience. In my first session, I had no expectations and went in with an open mind. During the session, as I settled in, I was less nervous and was able to be in the moment with the horse. I was on the horse’s right side, and then suddenly, his head turned to the right, towards me. We made eye contact, locked eyes, and it felt like he looked into my soul and told me everything would be okay. Surreal moment, and I will never forget that day!

Lastly, I almost forgot to mention humming. I have been doing this for a long time, and I sometimes don’t realise I am doing it. My ex picked up on it, and I am doing it right now! Humming is simple yet effective for quieting the mind and giving it space to breathe and rest, activating the parasympathetic nervous system. If I think about it for a minute, I could spend hours and hours humming daily. If I am not listening to music, watching TV, or doing anything else that requires my active attention, I reckon I am humming away. I have hummed my way through this reply.

I shall end on that note. Please stay in touch, stay safe, and take care.

Be kind to yourself first, and then to others.

Thank you for sharing abou equine therapy. It sounds AMAZING @Paralyzed Truly surreal.

Hey @tyme,

No worries. If you ever can participate in equine therapy, I highly recommend it. I am unsure what part of Australia you are in, but I have included the link to the one we used. The owner, who does the guided therapy, is fantastic. On her days off, to unwind and quiet her mind, she rides her horses out bush with a bow and arrow set and shoots targets while riding.

https://www.wildbynaturetherapies.com/