Talking to family

Hey @Magpie22 , I think this is a really interesting topic. My Dad is in the ADF and the VAST majority of his friends / connections are also in the ADF (or have been previously). There's so many nuances and cultural things that civvys don't know about. I imagine that he feels very similarly to you. It sounds exhausting.

What parts of your military experience are you wanting to talk about with people? And who are those people?

Any thoughts, @Oaktree @Azalea @goatlatte @yggdrasil ?

@Magpie22 @0ddsidian

I have never talked about my Army experience with my husband or children. I guess it wasn’t very relevant. I was more focused on recovery when I left the Army as I was extremely mentally unwell. I also didn’t really struggle to readjust to civilian life.

@0ddsidian

Sometimes I want to talk to my partner about a particular thing that happened at work, but they think all military stuff is weird and all problem are blamed on the fact that is a military thing - even if they aren’t related.

other times talking to people who know less about me, if I mention being in the army, they have so many assumptions. I have to decide if I want to spend time busting the myths or not - especially when there’s are so many misconceptions.

i think that’s why I tend to only talk about my experiences ( positive and negative) to other veterans

@Magpie22 I hear you. Is your partner overtly saying that military stuff is weird? Sounds quite invalidating, given this is something (I assume) you've chosen for your life. Being in the ADF doesn't have a monopoly on causing problems in people's lives.

What kind of assumptions are people making?

Hey @Magpie22, thank you for sharing your experiences with your service and family!

We are glad that you have found this space where you can talk openly about your service, and it's a safe space free of judgment and opinions. We hope that you find it beneficial to connect and talk about what you would like to and share what you want with your peers in the community.

I was not in the ADF myself, but my father was in the Navy before I was born and then worked as a civilian on various bases around NSW and the NT. A lot of my relatives were also in the ADF, so the military has been a big part of my families life.

Thanks again for sharing and welcome to Shoulder to Shoulder!

Take care

RiverSeal

Agree this can be hard to talk to family about military especially when they have not served themselves. I try to keep in mind that as long as they are coming from a place of help and understanding I generally don't mind...

however, it can get really monotonous when having to explain to so many people about service and having to further explain intricacies missing the bottom line completely.. I find it hard when I have to justify being a "young person" with really intense injuries. Sometimes I find I don't explain because... how much time do we have? There are too many complexities to sum up in one conversation. Maybe I don't want to talk about it today....

As much as I never want to give "advice" .. I find it helps me to at least take the time to explain it to our partners as they are the our biggest supporters, if they can understand holistically (or at least for the most part without actually serving themselves) then you have someone else in your corner to say "I apologise we can't make that event/function". I acknowledge that the mail man doesn't need to understand and can have his preconceived ideas... but the more people I have in my corner the smoother it has been. Take your time and only when you are comfortable.

@0ddsidian - he does say it’s weird. And also says things to other people - in front of me - like “she just works in an office, not the real army” and refers to my long service medals as just attendance awards. It does make it really hard - especially as I already feel imposter syndrome over starting as a reservist, never deploying, and not being an arms corps soldier. In my head I know that doesn’t mean I’m not a veteran, and 34 years is a massive achievement - but sometimes my heart feels inadequate so the words do hurt.

luckily, I have an amazing group of fellow soldiers I have worked with over the years and they are my supports if I want to talk about army stuff. They get it and despite the fact that they are/were full time army and did many, many deployments between them, they totally validate my service which I am so grateful for.

Hey @Magpie22, thanks for sharing your stories about your service!

My father was in the Navy and he did not see a lot of wartime action in his 16 .5 year service. Just a handful of days, if I remember correctly. He would talk about it and reflect that he wanted to serve in the wars at the time, but with his role, he was assigned to a base or overseas training most of the time.

Though when we went to the RSL or he was at the Fleet Air Arms meetings, he was accepted just the same. And when he passed away, he was given the Ensign Flag for his coffin at the funeral service by a Navy Chaplain. My mother received an Australian National Flag with a Poppy service for Dad, and his Postings were read out by the RSL.

I beleive that with the ADF who respct you and your serivce in your role as a Reservist you will find your people.

Take care

RiverSeal

*sigh 🙂 I'm old, I have talked to my family, given advice and discussed issues, I have shared the funny stories and let them know about the worse times.

They know what they need to know and if they want to know more they are free to ask.

I have PTSD and have a small therapy doggo, people tell me she's cute (I can't see it )
Her full name is Nellie Ratface Sharkbait Snuggle-bunny ****** (family name)



I find when I am out alone I feel very isolated and often nervous, there are so many upset tense and angry looking people in streets and shopping.

When I have Nellie with me every now and then someone smiles and will stop and just talk for a minute or 2 about the dog, they usually tell me if they are ex military or have PTSD rather than me talk to them.

but it's human contact and communication and that makes me feel better..... and from the smiles it seems to make them happier too.

(OK off topic but I hope that's OK)

Stay safe