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Not sure where to get the answers I need.

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor16 Apr 2025, 10:16 pm AEST

Not sure where to get the answers I need.

Trigger warning

Hi.

I've been thinking about going to the police.

But I want to understand what will happen if I do, what is required of me, where to get advice in dealing with its triggers, even if i should talk to a lawyer first and know if my case is worth taking to the courts. Idk. I'm just scared. It's all unknown. I don't know if it will even help me if I get him charged.

My birthday is always going to be a dark time. I can't escape that. I couldn't escape the sexual assault and I can't escape the claws It's has on my mind. I can't wipe the days of the calendar.

Will reporting the thing make the memories stop. No. But there's a question someone always ask if you disclose it to someone its always "did you tell the police/did you report it?"

I'm scared of police, my history with them hasn't been the best, in my eyes they just put me in a van and take me to the hospital and make me someone else's problem. So why should I trust them?

I will just always know he got away with it and I'm not sure how that sits with me anymore. I'm at place mentally where things are mostly OK. I rarely self harm anymore, which I never thought i would stop or even cut down. I'm learning to love myself.

But over these last few days/weeks memories and old thoughts are clawing my mind. I feel him under my skin. I can't think of my 20s without his abuse at the edge of my memories. Then my 30th bday was supposed to be a turning point in my life, when just ended in pain tears and blood.

But now, 2 years on I can't face knowing he's probably doing it to someone else. A friend of his was posting on social media about her and him together. I'm just scared she would end up like I did. It made me question my decisions. Do I get him charged. I can't save me, but no one deserves what I went through.

(I'm not sure if any of this makes sense. I don't who to talk to, where to get help, where to get answers)

3 replies

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In response to: Not sure where to get the answers I need.

Till23Senior Contributor16 Apr 2025, 11:28 pm AEST

Re: Not sure where to get the answers I need.

@The-red-centaur

It is a very difficult and personal decision whether to make a police report.

Your local sexual assault centre or if you have a victims of crime service may be able to give you some advice. There are differences in the different juristictions (states).

However, if you go to police, you can withdraw at any stage so you do have a choice about how far to proceed. Most states have separate units that deal with sexual assault so not the general duties police, so they are hopefully more trauma informed than general police.

The majority of complainants do not have a good experience with the "justice" system. It is usually fairly draining on a number of fronts. However, some people do have success.

It is no-one elses business if you went to the police. You can just say I'd rather not talk about that.

I got a conviction in my case of historic CSA, perpetrator died in jail (he was old, because like most CSA cases I did not report to police for a couple of decades after the multiple crimes stopped). For me, I'm glad that I reported, but I know others who are not. So it's a personal choice and there is no right or wrong answer.

Hopefully some of what I have written will help.

In response to: Not sure where to get the answers I need.

StoutSenior Contributor23 Apr 2025, 9:22 am AEST

Re: Not sure where to get the answers I need.

@The-red-centaur

"I'm scared of police, my history with them hasn't been the best, in my eyes they just put me in a van and take me to the hospital and make me someone else's problem. So why should I trust them? "

I know exactly how you feel. They worry me to. And people should be rightly worried.

Obviously idk the crux of the problem, but personal space is important. I hope there is CLOSURE for the situation. We all need that, especially when our minds are murky, and the intellectual needs to clear things up is strong.

In response to: Re: Not sure where to get the answers I need.

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor24 Apr 2025, 9:53 pm AEST

Re: Not sure where to get the answers I need.

Next week I'm going to call the women legal centre, who have a sexual violence section, and talk to them about my options. I want to make an informed decision about if going through legal proceedings is the right thing for me and know what I'll be getting in to in I do report it.

Last time I reported an attack I did so when in it occurred and the legal process was too much for me and I didn't know I had the option to withdraw my report. The police weren't helpful or supportive and I felt let down when he served less than 6 months after court. It led to one of my darkest days which I didn't think I'd come back from and I surprised everyone by being able to walk years later.

Being in a different state then that incident and knowing different coping strategies now I feel strong to face this, but im still terrified and need to know I'm doing the right things by me and everyone else.

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