Finding out family secrets after a loved one passes

That sounds like a tough situation @Lotusfae . I don't think you are overreacting - it's very difficult when people keep these kinds of secrets. I guess my question would be does it change the nature of the relationship your grandfather has with people if he is not biologically related? I'm interested in your perspective because I know a family with a similar situation. And because I always knew my father was not biologically related, but he is still my father in every way that counts. Or is your frustration that your Aunty wasn't the one to tell you after all the time you spent with her? I can completely understand that too.

Hi @Lotusfae

While I haven't gone through an experience like this, I did want to stop by and welcome you to the forums.

It sounds like this news has really shaken you, both because it forces you to reassess what you thought you knew about some of your family members, and because now you've been burdened (for want of a better word) with this secret that would hurt your mum and sister.

I think that it's completely understandable to be unsure of how to handle this.

No, it’s okay my cousin told me. But that’s just it. Now it’s just my cousin and I and my grandfather who doesn’t know that we know. My nan passed away a few years back and my mum doesn’t know nor could I tell her. Cause it will destroy her. But we are just rekindle relationships with each other bonding over my aunty’s passing. And now I have questions like who was he, does he have a family, what’s his dna any pre disposed issues. I always looked at my current grandfather and knew his story with the Vietnam war and I thought we had similarities and features. It’s just confusing.

Hey @Lotusfae, I think those are really fair questions. I do wonder what health predispositions I have thanks to my biological father's DNA, so I can relate to what you are saying about your biological grandfather's DNA. Thanks for answering my questions, I can see what a confusing situation it would be to be in.

Thank you for understanding, I think I just needed validation to know it’s okay to be feeling this way. My first thoughts were so my grandfather isn’t my grandfather and then I realised nothing actually has to change. So I’ve just gone through a whole cycle of feelings. While heavy with grieving. All too heavy at the moment. Trying to take one thing at a time.