Lack of commitment

Hello @Salzburg and welcome to the forums

I sometimes wonder if all of this technology that is meant to make it easier to connect also plays a part in being less committal as it's now so easy to both make and to cancel plans. I find many of my plans with friends involve a lot of last minute rescheduling or cancelling, and while I try not to do that myself I still find I do on occasion.

I also know that I've been that person who has wanted to befriend someone but has backed out on plans which has essentially ruined the chances of it blossoming into a friendship. For me it's been a mixture of social anxiety and outside stress, though that's not an excuse and I look back on those times with regret.

It's completely understandable to be frustrated, I wonder if you might be able to be open with this person and let them know that you're still wanting to spend time with them and to get to know them better, but that it's frustrating that they can't commit to plans, and perhaps ask if there's a way you can make scheduling something a bit easier for them? What do you think?

I am sure you are right about the technology. I dont like to take my phone with me but people sometimes text at the last minute to say they are running late. I have always valued punctuality and commitment and maybe I need to remember that not everyone is like that. I will consider your suggestions thank you.

Hey @Salzburg ,

I hear where your frustration comes from. I can see how you feel you are putting in effort and they are not even trying.

Are these acquaintances whom you've known for a long time? I wonder if starting off with chats over the phone might be easier?

Why I'm saying this is from my own experience. I find social outings quite daunting and will only go if I know the other person well. Hence, I do a lot of connecting (text, phoning) before I actually meet up.

I wonder if social anxiety on their part have a part to play in not turning up?

Then again, life just sometimes gets in the way.

What are other ways you stay connected with people?

Thank you for replying. Two ladies I have only known for a short while and I got on with both of them really well. I hadn't considered that social anxiety may be the cause. I live in a retirement village and after 8 years I know many people, but getting to the next stage of being acquaintances and friends is difficult.

How do you find being in a retirement village? I'm guessing there are others you can speak to there? Don't they have meals together, or events/outings @Salzburg ?

Please forgive my ignorance.

I love living in a retirement village. We do have activities. What I find is that we are always in a big group, for example our craft group has 30 people. I am just finding that it is harder to connect with people one to one, and to take a relationship to the next level.