Ups and downs - so down right now :(

4 months sober. I've been working so hard. Less sleep, more deep thought - figuring it all out... from the birth of life from the elements, through the discovery of subjective introspective self awareness in complex language, (metaphor and analogy), to the denial of death and existential crisis... The broadest eruditions I've ever achieved. Zoned in on diet, fitness, exercise, sleep and routine... music, writing, success, small time internet fame and admiration from friends and family. (I even got on the radio!!)

Then bang. Sick. Shingles. Scheduled concert cancelled. Wasted time, travel, and accommodation. So damn tired. So. Damn. Tired.

It's a challenge to walk anywhere. To watch a movie for more than 5 minutes without needing to close my eyes.

My whole body aches. I realise that you never actually "recover" from anything... it just becomes part of you and you move on.

Finite, fragile, and limited.

This feels like a warm up... and I'm not looking forward to the big one. Longer, and more uncomfortable. Not today... but when? It's such a short timeline for us humans.

Bright side? I need to pull myself together for a trip to QLD on Saturday - a week away. Unfortunately, my midsection is covered in a rash of painful blisters and sores. Travel, heat, stress... fun times ahead.

I so wanted to be the best I could be for this trip, but I pushed too hard and I just hope I haven't ruined it.

It was going to be amazing. *I* was going to be amazing.

Now I'll be at best 80% and still recovering.

Why does progress seem to always lead me to a relapse or rebound in some way?

Still sober, but honestly... I'd take a hangover over feeling like this for 2 weeks. At least they are generally gone in 2-3 days. (although there's less shame in this, I admit).

Just needed to tell someone 😞

This truly sucks.