Trying to get better

Thanks @Jynx I think with the housing situation it's better to not do anything because it will only inflame the situation.

It's difficult to talk about the other situation, but I was trying to offer support to someone in a text based situation and I think (but actually I'm not even sure it was my comment) but the person said that they felt worse. I apologised in case it was my comment, as soon as I was aware that a person felt bad. I certainly wasn't intending my comment in anyway to be negative. When these things happen I always blame myself first. Mostly it turns out it was nothing to do with me, but that doesn't seem to help me to not think the next thing is somehow my fault. It's a problem I've had for decades, but it doesn't seem to go away. I think it's all tied up in some type of trauma reaction.

Anyhow thanks for your concern and I know you are busy. It's really not a new problem for me

@Till23 oh BIG mood. And yeah, seems most likely that it is a trauma reaction, it was for me!

For me it's cos I was sooooo stuck in the fawn response; I still identify as a 'recovering people-pleaser' haha. We are social creatures, it is within our very DNA to care deeply about the opinions of others - cos once upon a time, if we were rejected by our social group we'd be dead.

What helped me work through a lot of it (still always a work in progress, like me!) is two things - working on my sense of self, and practicing not taking things personally, i.e. realising that nothing others do is because of me - even if they are doing it to me directly.

There's this book called The Four Agreements which helped me heaps! There's a little segment on their website about this, or a lil summary here. 😊

Thanks so much @Jynx

I seem to have all of the four Fs of trauma responses Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn!! Part of my perfection I think 🤣

Yes I am a people pleaser, even though I am trying to have better boundaries.

I've only started psychological treatment for CSA in last few years so I have to get past 50 years of habitual responses that are so ingrained.

Self is hard for me because I'm not really sure about that and taking things personally - I'm aware of it, but hard to change.

Thanks for the resources I shall look them up.

Thanks for your support I am feeling better already

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@Till23 wrote:

Thanks so much @Jynx

I seem to have all of the four Fs of trauma responses Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn!! Part of my perfection I think 🤣

Yes I am a people pleaser, even though I am trying to have better boundaries.

I've only started psychological treatment for CSA in last few years so I have to get past 50 years of habitual responses that are so ingrained.

Self is hard for me because I'm not really sure about that and taking things personally - I'm aware of it, but hard to change.

Thanks for the resources I shall look them up.

Thanks for your support I am feeling better already

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Haha yeah everyone has got all four!! Some just get more activated than others, usually depending on the kind of trauma.... e.g. fight = anger and sometimes violence, flight = avoidance and withdrawal, freeze = shut down and dissociation, fawn = people pleasing and suppression of own needs.

Oh yeah it's a process hey!! Unlearning old stuff, relearning new stuff, trying not to get too frustrated or shame ourselves when we fall back into old habits... 😵😅 It's a time!! Glad you're on the path tho, and so glad to hear you're feeling better! 😊💜