Battles

@rav3n glad you are doing alright. Sorry to hear that it was a stressful start to the week but it's good that things are starting to settle down for you.

Things have been so rough for me lately and everyday just feels like it hits harder than the last. I'm averaging 2-4 hours of sleep a night which is really not enough and it's been like that for the past 4 weeks now. I'm having nightmares every night and waking up having panic attacks. I've dealt with strong SI every day which at times has been frightening especially when I've found myself going into little details of how and when at times (I'm safe). I did manage to open up to my doctor on Monday and tell him how I've been feeling and the thoughts but then the chemist stuffed up yesterday with the medication I'm supposed to be starting so I have to go back later today and hoping they sort that out so I can start it. I'm by no means out if the woods but I'm trying to take things minute by minute, just hoping they get easier soon. I need to make a phone call to hopefully get some support but I haven't been able to find the courage to do that just yet, still working in it.

aww no, those nightmares and panic attacks sound incredibly overwhelming. i'm so sorry to hear it's gotten worse @MissGremlin, and i can see how not being able to get proper sleep would further add to the exhaustion, heavy thoughts and low mood. it's a rough combo!

i'm glad to hear that you're continuing to take steps to stay safe - and good on you for picking up on your signs and working on reaching out. hopefully the meds stuff gets all sorted today. i know that making that call isn't easy, we're rooting for you and here for you 💗

@rav3n it's really so hard cos now I have anxiety over trying to sleep cos I know what's going to happen. It's just like a vicious cycle one that i feel so trapped in at the moment.

Thankyou ❤️. It got pretty scary cos I was completely shutting down, I wasn't communicating here or to the people I'd usually chat to online and I left support groups that I had online. I'm still very much in shut down mode but I'm communicating with a couple of people about what's going on which is a start. I'm learning to recognise the warning signs but there has been newer things happening which makes it harder at times. Minute by minute and breath by breath even when that breath feels hard and shaky.

so understandable that you feel that way @MissGremlin sleep plays such a big role in our lives, you deserve to have good quality rest!!

the shutdown mode can come in quite fast hey. and it definitely can get scary - proud of you for challenging the urge to isolate and reaching out to those couple of people. yes, do take it at whatever pace works best for you, even if it's minute by minute. if there's anything the community can do to support you as well, do let us know 💗

@rav3n yes sleep is very much needed to function somewhat normally.

It really came in fast and I didn't recognise it at first but then once I did i kept trying to justify it by telling myself that I was shutting people out so that they wouldn't get hurt if I wasn't here anymore. It really is minute by minute, some of those minutes I find myself having to really assess my safety and be aware if I'm at risk cos things can change so suddenly. (I'm safe in this moment). The community here is amazing and I'm so grateful for it. Just knowing that there's so many people that care and that are willing to listen and offer support really does mean so much.

Thankyou for all that you do here for myself and everyone ❤️. That goes for all the team also.

@AuntGlow @Ru-bee @Jynx @RiverSeal @0ddsidian @Shaz51

aww we appreciate you heaps too 💗 you've helped create so many lovely connections and safe spaces on the forums too. like the toolshed posts, they always bring a smile to my face! @MissGremlin

if you need moments to step back and breathe, please continue to do so. we'll be here always.

have you been working on any puzzles/colouring/lego, etc? totally okay if they're on pause, i know it's be a tough time!

(p.s. my support button hasn't been working either so just assume i've been supporting all your posts hehe)

Awww thankyou @rav3n, it means alot to hear that ❤️.

I do take those moments at times but it's a fine line between needing connection and shutting down. Still working on finding that balance 😂.

My puzzle has been placed on hold but I've been doing my colouring when I sit on my bed at night ☺️. Was looking at some craft ideas today so might work on some soon ☺️.

Hehe that silly support button has a mind of its own 😂.

Hi @MissGremlin

At the moment, I'm anxious. I'm sirting at the doctors surgery waiting for my GP apppintment.

How are you doing today?

@MissGremlin hehe ofc, it does take some trial and error to find that balance!

glad you've got your colouring! after you posted your colouring last week, i went and got myself a colouring book and some pens too. my sister said she'd do some with me so i'm waiting for her to be available to start it 😊

oo some new craft ideas would be good to look into too - let me know if you find some, would love to get some ideas too!

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It really came in fast and I didn't recognise it at first but then once I did i kept trying to justify it by telling myself that I was shutting people out so that they wouldn't get hurt if I wasn't here anymore. It really is minute by minute, some of those minutes I find myself having to really assess my safety and be aware if I'm at risk cos things can change so suddenly. (I'm safe in this moment). The community here is amazing and I'm so grateful for it. Just knowing that there's so many people that care and that are willing to listen and offer support really does mean so much.

Thankyou for all that you do here for myself and everyone ❤️. That goes for all the team also.

@AuntGlow @Ru-bee @Jynx @RiverSeal @0ddsidian @Shaz51

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Thank you for sharing this, lovely. We are always here for you, to support you and watch you grow. You are doing so well, despite how challenging things may feel at times.

And we are endlessly proud of you. 🥰 @MissGremlin

I know you mentioned that it was scary letting your guard down and allowing someone in, which I totally get. I understand why frustration would be coming up for you too. Maybe all of those feelings are allowed to be there? Learning to be vulnerable can feel confusing at first, so the array of emotions you are experiencing makes sense! Do you have the space to do some journaling about them? 💛