Battles

Thanks @Jynx. I'm not sure if i can.

Just got asked the question i hate the most, 'how can we best support you tonight?'. That's the question that makes me want to end the chat cos I just don't know.

I haven't even picked one yet, I've got a few out but haven't started any. Trying to pick colours but my brain is just a mess.

@Jynx so I respond with 'I don't know, I'm sorry'. So they end the chat on me. What's the point anymore 😞

@MissGremlin Mm I get it, like 'if I knew what to do I would be doing it' kinda vibe hey. But to have disconnected over you not knowing feels extra nasty too! Geez what are they doing in their training over there 🤔😠

I almost don't wanna suggest waiting and trying again hey, but sounds like there's a need for that more hands-on support tonight. But then it's like, do you wanna roll the dice on getting a dece person.... Maybe you'd end up with a super awesome person like last night tho.

Want some help in the choosing? I got brain power, esp with my meds back in action 😋

@Jynx i really don't know what they are doing with their training. Like I dropped so many red flags in that chat and each one was ignored.

I don't know if i want to even try again. Last night I worked up the courage to actually call and got that person that helped. Tonight I don't have it in me to talk other than via chat.

My good deed for the day has been done, I got a lost doggy home safely. An elderly guy owns 2 dogs near where I am and they are regularly getting out so it's just a matter of getting them back behind the gates and securing them.

I put up a pic of the ones I'm wanting to do.

@MissGremlin 😡

Feels so awful being ignored hey, especially when it's in this kind of professional setting. I can understand why it would feel that much more of an effort to want to connect again.

Aww puppy!! You did an amazing deed! I knew you were chock full of community-spirit but it's always nice to hear more stories 😍 Love your work!! Hehe

@Jynx especially when things are the way they are right now. I fully opened up on that chat to say exactly how I was feeling and how close to the edge I'm feeling and it was completely dismissed. Like my brain is sending off those alarm bells to let me know I'm not safe and I tried to get that across to them but they just ignored it.

I've gotten many puppies home safely, there's been lots of happy endings but also sad endings, not all make it home safely but at least the family get closure.

It was time for my nightly abuse to be screamed at me so now I'm not in a good state, well an even worse one if that was even possible.

@MissGremlin Grrrr.... Protector-mode activated, you can picture me drawing a sword to come defend you with!! Cos you deserve BETTER!!

Oh hun, I wish I could take all the pain away. Sending squishy hugs your way 🫂🫂

Thanks @Jynx ❤️. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I have zero fight in me right now 😞. Can someone just hold me while I fall apart 😢.

I need those hugs so much at the moment ❤️.

@MissGremlin squeezing you real tight hun, reminding you that you do deserve softness, and safety, and compassion. 💜🫂

Thankyou @Jynx ❤️. Trying hard to just focus on colouring but I'm really having a hard time with my thoughts right now. It's taking every bit of my strength to not want to just act on my thoughts, it's exhausting having to fight like this.