Battles

@AuntGlow umm I'm struggling to think, brain has kicked it up a notch, trying so hard to remind myself that I'm ok and I'm safe.

Ok, c'mon I can do this, think brain, think. Oh me and @avant-garde have matching socks and that made me smile, well actually she makes me smile the matching socks was just an extra bonus ♥️

@AuntGloware you still around please?

You will be okay, and you are safe here with us @MissGremlin 💗

Awww that's so lovely.

I know it's hard to recollect moments like this when we are heightened, but I think you will feel a bit lighter if you can try to do so more often.

Can you think of one more in this moment? ☺️

Thanks @AuntGlow ♥️.

There's rarely anything that makes me smile and if there is it's only for a very brief moment and then the bad consumes that moment so much that I forget about it. I just had a thought when it comes to the intention setting Sunday thing that you are doing and I want to share but I'm scared to, that whole fear of being judged for it being a silly thing to want is more than I can handle.

Right now I can't think of anything, I'm feeling really on edge and struggling to fight myself, I'm currently waiting to get through to lifeline. Just trying to keep myself distracted in the meantime by doing my colouring and listening to music but I keep slipping.

That's okay @MissGremlin.

As an intention, just between you and me, could you explore writing down little things whenever they do come up? Just in your phone or on a notepad?

So that way, you have a list of joyful things to connect with when you feel down? 💗

I am so proud of you for connecting with your safety plan. You are doing all the right things.

Can you share one word to describe how you feel? And another word to describe how you wish you could feel?

@AuntGlow that's what I want to try to do. My idea was that next week Sunday I want to be able to share at least 5 things with you that made me smile. I know it sounds silly and insignificant but for me I can never remember things that make me smile so I want to try.

I am trying to stick with my safety plan but at times I'm just not catching things in time which is really frustrating, it's a big learning curve really.

A word to describe how I'm feeling 'petrified, how i wish I could feel 'numb'.

Yay! I am so glad you are willing to try this. 😍 @MissGremlin I think it will help so much to have those few things you can recall and hold onto in moments like this.

That's okay, what you are doing is so hard and really brave. You're allowed to continue learning about what works and what may need a little more 'trial and error'.

And hmmm, I wonder what this petrified part of you really needs right now? 💛

I also wonder if there are some other feelings beyond numb - maybe, neutral, calm, happy?

@AuntGlow i hope it will help. I really am sick of feeling like this and tired of having to constantly fight myself, it's exhausting. So I can only but try and see if I can change things even if it's only a little bit at a time.

It's so hard to have patience though, giving things time to work or trying things over and over again cos 'practice makes perfect'. It's hard. Why can't there just be a magical instant cure, why can't things just happen immediately.

I'm not sure what it needs, I want to be able to reset my system but things I'm trying and have tried just aren't having any effect.

I'm not sure, right now I just don't want to feel anything feeling or emotion wise. My body and mind are overwhelmed with so many things I'm feeling all at once.

I hope you find a way to have some rest tonight @MissGremlin

Thanks @tyme, it would be nice to get a good night's rest. Might help to ease some of the intense feelings and thoughts.