Battles

@MissGremlin

Yep, the brain will do that! It did that for me for over 50 years. But you can start to change it. I know it's far from easy, but it's possible. You know that i've self-appointment myself as one of your little constant reminders of that. 😁

Being completely honest with doctors and therapists is another hard one. I've gotten better at it, but there still stuff I prefer not to talk about. But from someone who never told anyone anything about what I struggled with for my entire life to someone who started to share more a couple of years ago, this is also something that is possible to slowly change. You can take control of the services you accept so try to use these 2 appointments tomorrow to use them as opportunities to get some support rather than things to fear. Like I said though, I know it's hard. But even going to them takes a lot of courage, so just keep doing your best. No one can ask for more.

@MJG017 hehe that made me chuckle 😂.

I trust my doctor and I know he will only do what's best for me but the counsellor well I've only spoken to her once so that trust isn't there yet. But I do want to be able to get help and hopefully improve things and to do that I need to open up and be honest and vulnerable. Maybe not all at once but even if i can share just one thing that I'm scared to then that's a step in the right direction right?

What's your day been like, keeping warm and dry i hope?

I love this question! Yes, let's work through this together. 👏

You have already done one thing, which is reach out to us, so we can tick that off. 🤩

Let's go through this list:

1. Notice your warning signs. (I think you already do this really effectively!)

2. Make your space safe. (Remove anything that you could harm yourself with)

3. List your reasons to live. (All the things you are hopeful for or currently have)

4. Self-care. (Things you enjoy doing that help you to feel soothed)

5. People you can talk to or places you can go. (Safely)

6. An easily accessible list of services you can access for in-the-moment support.

I hope this list makes sense, let me know if you have any other questions. Which one would you like to start with? (Let's make it simple for now). @MissGremlin

@AuntGlow thankyou for this.

1. Yes i do this sometimes but lately I'm ignoring those warning signs and things are escalating very quickly. I'm not sure how to bring myself back to a point where i can reach out before it goes too far 😕.

2. I can't and I've gone through this with crisis lines and explained why. I explored this with them today to try but it only escalated things to a very dangerous point and an ambulance was almost called.

3. Right now the only think I can think of is Casper.

4. Colouring, listening to music and watching my TV shows and cuddling with Casper.

5. At the moment it's only really having the people on the forums to talk to. I don't have anywhere safe to go.

6. Lifeline and mental health triage.

@MissGremlin

Opening up all at once is not something you'd ever hear me say. You need the trust, sure, but I feel like you just need to get to know someone first. Feel like you are going to be able to see them on a more consistent basis for really opening up with them. I've had it happen to me. I got a bit too open and then they disappear and I think what waste of time that was opening up to them. Of course then I also had to go through the "you're making me feel bad because you keep coming back and I don't feel like I'm helping you" incident. None of this is easy, but I've learnt to try and not let other people's apathy or incompetence make me feel like it was my fault or I'm not worthy. Screw them! I'll find someone better!! I took a quite a while, and a period of giving up on therapists as a whole, but it's helping me a lot now. And I feel reasonably safe talking to this current one. And my GP has proved to be really supportive once he knew I was struggling with everything. So I'll keep thing crossed for you that you've found similarly supporting people with who you're seeing tomorrow. 🤞🤞

@MJG017 yeah I've been burnt before when I've poured my heart out to professionals and it's been thrown back in my face or they've let me down and hurt me. So it's taken a long time to even take this step to talk to another counsellor. I'm glad I can trust my gp with everything and that's at least something but I'm still sugar coating things with him cos of fear.

As always thankyou for your help with everything ❤️

@NightFury did i read somewhere that you like to play with your nee doh cube until it's nice and warm and super soft?

@MissGremlin omg, yes! I love Needoh and have a few of them. But I have a couple of go-to Needoh squishies, like the icecube mini and they've released a new one which is sensory too.

@NightFury I've got a few of the ice cubes and I'm currently playing with one to make it nice and warm and soft, they are seriously the best when they feel like that. I wanna get the marble colours like the one you have that you showed the other day. I might have to look at the other ones. There's not alot of places near me that stock them and they are very expensive.

@MissGremlin I get mine online from a fidget stockist. I use other fidgets too, but the Needoh are my go-to. I mainly use others for work because...I'm kinda self conscious about using them in public, so I use fidgets that fit in my pocket.