Battles

Sleep just isn't happening tonight. My body is in a constant state of panic and all my efforts of trying to bring some calm haven't made a difference. I'm exhausted and know i need to sleep but my brain won't switch off and my body being in such high alert isn't able to rest. I've worked so hard tonight to keep myself busy, to try to stay present and connected, to regulate so that I can hopefully sleep. I can't help but feel like I've wasted my time trying given that nothing has worked, but then I know it's worked to a degree cos I'm still here now and many hours have passed.

Being stuck in this space sucks, dissociating is scary and overwhelming, mental health is completely exhausting and consumes every part of you. But somehow everyday i find a way to get through even when things don't feel like they're working, it's still passing the time.

I'm safe for now, still laying in bed and snuggled up with Casper. Hoping that sleep will come soon even if it's only a little, I just need to be able to rest so that tomorrow I can start the fight all over again.

@SunsetSunrise i managed to doze off briefly but I've woken up having a panic attack. My whole body is sore from being so tense. I've tried a few things to calm down, I splashed cold water on my face, had a cold drink, walked around my house and went outside but it hasn't helped. I'm trying to get through to a crisis service currently. I'm safe for now trying to focus on Caspers breathing to see if I can slow mine down a bit while giving him pats. Nights like this really take such a toll.

Hi @MissGremlin,

I’m sorry you’ve woken up into such a rough night/morning. Panic attacks can be incredibly exhausting, especially when you’re already feeling sore, tense and worn down from everything.

It sounds like you’ve been trying really hard to support yourself through this and find ways to calm things down a little. Have you had any luck getting through to the crisis service?

I’m glad you’re safe, and that you’ve got Casper there with you. How are you feeling now?

Hello @Nala2022, I'm really struggling so much. I've barely slept, I keep dozing off but waking up in a panic again. The crisis service wasn't helpful when i connected earlier.

I'm completely worn down and feel defeated at the moment. My alarm goes off in less than an hour and then I have to get up to start the day. The thought of actually having to get up to face the day is making me get all teary and I'm so scared of how the day is going to go.

I'm still safe for now and snuggled with Casper, he's been such a good boy putting up with my panic and doing what he does to help me through.

@MissGremlin I’m really sorry things are feeling so overwhelming right now, and I can imagine it was really disappointing and disheartening when the crisis service didn’t feel helpful.

It makes sense that facing the day feels really hard when you’re already feeling so worn down. I’m glad you’re safe and that you’ve got Casper there with you.

What do you think feels most manageable for you this morning?

@Nala2022 I've just gotten up. I feel so snaky and unsettled.

Right now nothing feels manageable but I'm taking things slowly and gently. I'm safe and I've gotten dressed, made a cuppa which I need to drink then do the rest of my morning routine. Once I come back after I've had to head out I'm hoping to have a shower. I'm meant to have support worker at 11.30am today but I'm not sure if I'm up for it.

I'm sorry that things have been so bad for me lately and that I keep posting that I'm struggling. I'm trying so hard to get through this, it's just hard.

You don’t need to apologise for reaching out when you’re struggling. It sounds like things have been really hard lately, and I’m glad you’re continuing to let people know what’s going on for you rather than holding it all on your own.

Even though nothing feels very manageable right now, I want to acknowledge that getting up, getting dressed, making a cuppa, and trying to move through your morning gently are all meaningful steps when things feel this overwhelming.

It’s okay if you need to take things moment by moment today @MissGremlin 💛

Thankyou @Nala2022 ❤️. I just don't like when it feels like I'm a burden on everyone when I try so hard not to be.

I don't actually know how I'm functioning, I'm sort of on autopilot with things but at the same time I'm losing focus and forgetting what I'm doing even while mid doing it. I got stuck standing in my kitchen dissociating before Casper brought a squeaky ball to me and then I remembered that I need to do my hair (I'm safe).

I think after I've had a shower later that I might lay down and rest. My cuppa is slowly going cold but i have a mouthful every now and then.

Thankyou for being here and always being so kind and understanding. I hope you have a lovely day just like you deserve ❤️

You’re not a burden for reaching out, especially when things are this hard. You’re allowed to need support, especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed and not quite like yourself.

I’m really glad Casper was there and was able to bring you back into the moment a little.

It sounds like you’re doing your best to move through things gently today, even just taking small sips of your cuppa and planning to rest after your shower.

Thank you @MissGremlin , that’s very kind of you. We’re here for you 💮