TW: A little bit of this and a little bit of that...

I miss my mum. She is merely existing as a consistent drunkard who gambles what's left of her pay-check on alcohol and the poker machines. I feel incredibly depressed and anxious right now, and I often wonder what life would be like if I weren't around anymore. Please bear with me as I try to explain this phenomenon with you all - I have full-blown conversations with people that I have met or crossed paths with before, but they aren't actually there, in front of me, at a specific time. Weird, I know... It would be nice if I could go back to the psych ward, but that was a terrifying experience for me, as I was completely drugged up on a cocktail of medications that not only zonked me out, but turned out the be ineffective for my non-existent schizophrenia (I have a diagnosis of ASD). The only thing that I agree with the psychs on is that I am on a cognitive decline - this has been going on for years and it has got to the point where I experience constant brain fog. Nothing I say makes any sense to anyone. I also have a more recent diagnosis of Dysautonomia (which isn't exactly POTS). I am at Uni at the moment but my home life sucks, and this makes it difficult to study.