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Managing relationships

Teenage boys

Teenage boys

Hi 👋 this is my first reach out. I am a single mum of a 16 year old boy who I am really struggling with. He is in year 11. He’s never home so I’m alone with my own thoughts way too much. Our flat isn’t the most exciting place to be. Not much going on but he won’t stay home and just hang out for even half an hour. He is at other friends houses with their families.
I just wait for him to turn up, offer food, wash clothes, do mum stuff. He’s got a bad temper.

Content/trigger warning
Hasn’t been violent ever towards me but punches doors, walls, breaks things. Sometimes these outbursts are because he doesn’t like his hair or a delivery of clothes don’t fit him. He loses his shit and I’m often cowering in a corner during these moments. It can be quite scary and he can’t control his emotions.

Yes tried getting support - everyone is wrong of course and nobody understands. He is on low dose anti anxiety meds (just started). We are going to see a social worker this week for a different perspective.

he hates school, he just wants to be with friends and have fun and not be with me or at home.
there’s more to this, a million examples but right now I’m just sad and lost and feel trapped because I can’t go out for fear that he’ll don something stupid. I’m all he’s got. He gets into fights on weekends. Always getting up to something.
his dad isn’t on the scene. He lives about half an hour away but can’t be bothered to be a dad to his son.

Nights are just really hard…

6 replies

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In response to: Teenage boys

Re: Teenage boys

hey @Blue991 firstly, welcome to the forums! it's lovely to have you here.

i can hear how overwhelming it has been for you, and i'm so sorry you've had to deal with all on your own. i really appreciate your strength in reaching out here, and i hope you know that you're not alone. we are here to listen and support you 💙

teenagers can be tricky to deal with, and i can see that a lot of his behaviours have been worrying you a lot. it's really great that you've tried getting support in different ways, fingers crossed the meeting with the social worker goes well! seems like you've been working hard to find supports for your son, but i'm wondering what sort of supports you have for yourself? i imagine that raising your son on your own and pouring all you love into taking care of him would be really exhausting, and you deserve to have love poured back into you!! you deserve your energy recharged too, is there anything that helps you recharge or feel supported?

also p.s. i've added a content/trigger warning as some of the descriptions maybe be upsetting for some people to read, so this way people can choose whether they want to read that part. 😊

In response to: Re: Teenage boys

Re: Teenage boys

Thanks for getting back to me.

I do nothing for myself. Not finding the joy or have the energy to find happiness. I’m just a basket case. Not a depressed person but the situation with him is unbearable. Clutching at straws here and can’t bring myself to call friends and be this version of myself.

In response to: Teenage boys

Re: Teenage boys

@Blue991 hi Blue991 teenage years particularly 16 onwards till 21 is a nightmare (my middle son's psychiatrist told me once). he actually said once my son turns 21 all the hormones will have calmed down and he was right! it is so hard i have three adult children but with 2 of them the teenage years were terrible we had the police on speed dial for one of them.

it does get better. hang in there. look after yourself during this period. love greenpeax

In response to: Re: Teenage boys

Re: Teenage boys

i hear you, it's definitely not an easy situation to be in @Blue991 as much as you've been focusing on your son, it might be good to set some time aside to focus on you - even if its 5 mins before bed, doing something that makes you feel calm or happy can make such a difference. whether that's dancing to your favourite song, taking a bath, going for a walk, etc.

you deserve to feel heard and supported. perhaps it's time to catch up with one of your friends? i know you might not feel comfortable revealing this version of yourself yet, but just know that true friends are there for ALL versions of you. but if you're not ready to chat about it, even just going to the movies or grabbing a quick coffee with you friend might help?

i also wanted to share additional support services incase you were interested:

In response to: Teenage boys

Re: Teenage boys

What a champion Mum you are. As single Mums I can say the fact you found this incredible website is a testament to your research. 4 years in I found it this year for dealing with teenage kids, gaslighting, parental alienation, domestic abuse all mentally debilitating .

I don't know if my sense of humour is helpful but here goes:

Count yourself lucky your ex is out of the picture. My ex has pitched my kids against me.!:) I could only dream of not having his influence on my kids life when it comes to him trying to squash my relationship with my kids. I spend more time trying to repair than trying to parent.

What is it your boy is doing that worries you?

In response to: Re: Teenage boys

Re: Teenage boys

So sorry I should have said, what is the most serious thing your boy is doing that worries you? I re-read your post, and fighting on the weekend is a stand out for me, as potentially life changing for your son. Does he ever listen to you? I am only asking as my own teenager doesn't so I have tried work arounds (not working yet but you never know:) Other ideas we could spit ball?)
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