Life can be a Pain

Hi @tyme thanks foe checking on me...i am doing ok...hope u are having a good weekend with ur fam...

Hi @Owlunar thank you 🤍. U write well, it was something i noticed. I enjoy writing here too. I find people here overall very bright and creative. It is comforting.

@Appleblossom thank u for sharing so openly. Your childhood sounds very hard and u triumphed...you are a very brave person. Family is such a heavy word. I am constantly asked by services where my family are. Why dont they stay with me and check on me. I dont think many are able to accept the answer. They dont care, and they dont want to.

I have a very tiny handful of close friends. It has taken me a long time , before i had so many friends but shallow ones. The fact that a few friends pooled up and sent me a food package for the weekend really moved me. No ones done such a thing for me before.

Hey @EternalFlower ,

Great to 'see' you 🙂

Your post really made me think about my own friends... I'm not sure I have any either.

Then again, I had to think about, "What is a friend?" Is it someone you simply hang out with, someone you talk to, someone you work with???

I really don't know.

Put it this way, I'm not one to go looking for friends. If people come to me, I help them, but that's about it.

Maybe I have more acquaintances than friends... I actually don't think I can name a single friend except my nieces and nephews... but they are all 7 years old and under... so is that a friend?

Hrmm. You've got me thinking @EternalFlower

Hi @tyme @EternalFlower @Appleblossom and Mumma Bear @Owlunar

I just caught up on reading the last few pages of messages.

@Appleblossom sounds like you had a tough start, you must be very resilient.

I will come back tomorrow and post more when I am more awake. Can’t think what to type right now.

Meggle

I have never been looking for friends either...

@tyme in terms of i dont look to let people into my world quickly. I dont ask people who i am "friendly" with to take it to another level and they rarely ask me.

When i go to mental health services like hopsital, PARC, etc people become very close but i stay away from that because I dont need it. It is hard in todays age to have a real friend. I think nieces and nephews are friends, family can be friends, workmates can be friends...its totally personal. If they are kind and show love they are a friend

I agree @EternalFlower 🙂

One thing I learnt is that I don't make friends in hospitals/PARCs etc. Why? Because people are there for their recovery. Yes, they may have more of an understanding about mental health, but both parties are vulnerable, and as you said, it's not about making friends then.

That's just my thought. It doesn't mean you CAN'T make friends there... I just DON'T because it might come back to bite me.

It bit me very hard @tyme so that does happen. I feel kinda awkward now because im a social person so when i attend parc keeping to myself seems kinda hard. Ive heard it described as a share house for people in recovery which is socialish but i guess housemates also dont have to be besties. Ie u can talk about whats for dinner or watch a show together but then go back to ur regular life. I am really awkward trying to NOT make friends. They say hi and i run away lol.

@Owlunar i read about ur i statement with ur daughter and sounds safe for both of u. As u said, up to her.❤️

Hi @EternalFlower @tyme @Oaktree @Appleblossom @Oaktree @Zoe7 @Shaz51

What is a friend? That is a question. Maybe I could look the definition up in the dictionary - still - I feel myself I have no close friends since my uncle died last year - and he was like the big brother I never had - so that was a huge loss.

My family moved around a lot when I was young - from 10 to 15 years I went to 5 different schools - it was a lot and I never thought - I just didn't know - that keeping friends I had moved away from could happen - it was never encouraged and I don't blame anyone -

Then I worked for years in the city - my friends lived all over Melbourne - when I started working in the suburbs I went on with my life-long habit of making new friends easily and the old ones were not forgotten - just gone.

Now I am perfectly okay with people who come into my life and I get alone with them and then they move on - and I guess I don't ask anything of them and they don't ask anything of me and that's okay - that's the way it is and I am fine with it.

My daughter has lived in this area all her life and has friends she went to kindergarten with - and that's fine too -

My thoughts are appreciating what's available is a good way to be - I see people I met years ago in the street sometimes and we chat - still - I know they are busy getting on with their day and I just feel pleased for the chat we had -

Life changes - going back to where I was a vulnerable bereaved mother doesn't feel right to me - I have learned a lot and changed - and we all change - our friends change - that's normal and how life should be.

So - what is a friend? To me it's someone I connect with - sometimes for a few years - sometimes only briefly.

I'm fine about it - I hope other people are too -

In fact - I feel closer to some of the people I have met in this forum - and this is really important. I don't know their names or what they look like - and I wonder - is this why we can share so much of the tougher - the shadowy parts of our lives?

It's been a pretty bleak day in Melbourne - my granddaughter rang up - she lives in Queensland - we spoke for about an hour. That was good.

And my shopping came really quickly - that's good too - I had started running out of things

All the best

Mumma Bear

Owlunar

@Owlunar @Decadian @EternalFlower @tyme @Appleblossom

Hiya,

I only have 2 friends. One I have known for 24 years and the other one for about 10 years. As a child we moved every year to eighteen months so after a while I gave up on making friends. I was more of a loner, a daydreamer and a thinker. I do wish that I had more friends though. I do get quite lonely. My 2 friends are very busy people and don’t have much time to spend with me. I made a stable home for my kids. We moved in this house a month before my first child was born and we still live here 28 years later. My kids have friends and I am happy about that.

Mumma Bear, I am glad that you are standing your ground re the nursing home. I believe that self determination is so important in mental health. As long as you are capable of looking after yourself or can arrange carers to assist you then I say more power to you. I hope things go well when you have a discussion with your daughter.

Meggle

@Owlunar @Oaktree @EternalFlower @tyme

i have always puzzled over the friends issue. For myself, for my sibs, for my kids. There have always been weird overlaps that made it tricky and lots of moving. Mostly I have survived on my own tho.

I keep being friendly but let go, too. Trying not to be too needy. Not one i have easy answers for. Sometimes friends is about play dates and parents keeping their children happy. Sometimes it is about people we feel warmer with or synch with on the big life questions... eg in church or the community or school. Often I felt the need to stand up for people on the margins and got involved with possibly the wrong people... or maybe they were the right people for the time. Like its easier to get a job from a job, it may be easier to make friends with friends. ha ha I read books ....they are my friends

li

Hi @Appleblossom @Owlunar @Oaktree @tyme

Nice that u can appreciate short term friendships @Owlunar and keep positive interactions around. I guess you have a good way with people to be able to have so many people in ur life coming in. And ur right this space is a stripped back truth bubble. So these friendships are pretty special.

I am having a horrible time and havent let my house since thursday. I need painkillers [edited by moderator to remove medication name] and have pain but cant leave the house as so depressed. It is hard not having support irl.