Life can be a Pain

Here’s a big bear 🐻 hug 🤗 for you @Shaz51 my dear friend. 💜❤️💜

thank you @Eve7 , @Zoe7 , @Appleblossom , @Owlunar just feel so guilty for not beeing there for my mu even though she was sending me away @moderator

Perhaps for now, take this time to relax a little @Shaz51 - then visit again tomorrow?

It can be a huge mental and physical toll on you right now.

Please know we are with you at this time.

thank you my @tyme it is really showing on me tonight but i am glad to have a chat to the doctor today about mum's condition and on mine condition too

hello Mumma Bear @Owlunar , thinking of you lots today

hoping you are feeling better xoxo

@Zoe7 , @Eve7 , @Appleblossom

@Shaz51 @Zoe7 @Appleblossom

Hi all my little bear cubs or owls - I would love to write to everyone individually - it's not easy typing right now. And I am out of touch with so much - I know you ladies have had rough patches too.

I am getting some help with personal care next week - it is hellishly hard to change my clothes and getting private help is not as easy as one might think - and I think I know why. Still - I have someone coming three days next week.

My daughter has disappointed me so deeply I find it really hard to find a place to make it easier - we are talking again - still - I am reluctant to text anything right now that I am home - and I have had a lot of things to deal with.

She thinks I should be in aged care - and I was furious. She doesn't have the right - she is not my carer or needs to attend to any other issues. She has her health problems and I am not sharing mine with her much - she didn't even know I had burned my arm until MEPACS rang her to say I had been taken to hospital in an ambulance - and I had not asked them to tell her.

Having MEPACS get an ambulance for me for the second time in 3 days was - ah - weird - the ambos didn't seem to know what to do about me but finally took me to the private ED - I didn't have anything but my phone and my charger - and I was there for two weeks.

I felt so insulted when she mentioned that I should be in an old age home and why would she know how interesting my life is and how important - and what I would have taken away from me - stuff no one can see but it important to me - like my independence.

I don't know what to do about her - I don't like mentioning it here - but where else? I am so unhappy about that - and about her attitude generally.

She has bad pain days - this I understand - I don't interfere in her life - aw - I have said enough.

I know all of you have had stuff going on that is rough and tough - I hope to get onto people as I can

My love and best wishes

Mumma Bear

Owlunar

Really glad you could check in @Owlunar

You have had a lot going on. Me too, I dont tend to tag you to my Fragile thread as I dont want to bother you, but you know you are welcome any time.

I get the sense of how difficult it is to walk the path of a mum trying to keep her own issues from her child. It is so difficult over the years and with all the levels of intimacy, and there needs to be better acceptance of this as a parenting issue and as children mature they do need to grow up and realise their parents are humans.

The aged care home has become an easy option for many. If you do not want it, it your right. I have spent time visiting them and working in them and fully endorse your position.

Glad you have found a personal carer. Hope they are good and respectful.

love Apple

hello my mumma bear @Owlunar

soo glad to hear you are back home again and have added help xxx

I don't know what to do about her ---- ohhh there is not much you can do about your daughter's thinking

I know this is different situation , but i feel guilty and still do at times about my own mum , but she is 92 and when she broke her second hip after i have been her carer for a few years , the doctor said that she needed more care so he put her in the aged care part of the hospital

Mum's brain is saying why cant i be at home while her body is breaking down

hello and hugs my sisters @Appleblossom , @Zoe7

Hey Mumma Bear. It is so good to hear from you @Owlunar I was a bit worried about you being back in hospital 💖💖💖

I can only imagine the hurt from your daughter Hon. You are one of the most independent and capable people I know and for her to say those things really shows just how much she does not want to know you. That, though, is a reflection on her and not you. We know she has her own issues but to totally disregard your strength and capabilities - and then say those things to you - is, in my opinion, selfish. You deserve so much better my Mumma Bear so I am sending you all the love I can 💖💖💖

Hi @Shaz51

I read that you were recently bereaved - your uncle I think - that is a hard thing to deal with - even when they are elderly - people keep dropping off the family tree and this is truth - and reality - I have had a lot of relatives die since 2003 - it never gets easier - and I am for you - and with you in spirit - still getting over my own uncle last year - we were very close until he got Alzheimer's.

You mum though - that is harder still - my mother lost the plot when Dad died and she really changed with everyone - she was angry more with me I think because I resemble my father - so yes - I felt guilty because I would not visit someone who yelled and screamed at me - and I know there was no need for that - and no need for you to feel guilty either - that you have to leave your mother when she is in aged care - of course she doesn't understand - I think she was getting a bit vague before she broke her second hip - I hadn't heard that before - and she would need professional and on-going help you couldn't provide. Totally understandable and so sad for you - I am with you in spirit - I would not want to do in aged care either - but I am independent when I am not so injured - okay here alone actually. I really see the picture and I have known you for years and you really did care for your mother in so many different ways - I care Shaz.

After my son died - nearly 37 years ago now - I felt guilty - and I went to speak to the chaplain at the university when I was studying part-time as a mature age student. What he said to me was so important I am going to post it in bold fonts so everyone who follows will see it - and it worked for me.

Some life events will cause us to feel guilty about the role we played or didn't play during the that life event - the truth is that the more guilt we feel the less we need to feel it. The less guilt people feel may mean they should be feeling it.

So ease up on the guilt Shaz - you have done so much for your mother - more than I ever did for mine - though I have a sister who was just thrilled to bits to have our parents affairs to deal with - I have stopped feeling bad about not visiting my mother and my son's death.

Dreaming at dawn

We can only do what is humanly possible - take it easy on yourself Shaz - this is a hard time for you - I know - and you still have Mr Shaz getting anxious all the time and then there is your own health - you do a terrific job with all of this - we all know this here

Sending you my love Shaz

Mumma Bear

Owlunar

The post got a little messy when I posted the picture - it's one of my enhanced photos - using filters - I have a lot more to post in time

All the best