Life can be a Pain

Thanks @Anastasia

The antibiotics are working and I feel less stuffy. It was a good idea to stay inside on Sunday when it was so windy -

I hope your day is the best it can be

Dec

DecI'll be so glad to get out and about again

That is good news @Owlunar ,

I sent you a long winded message/s a few pages back. Not sure if you saw them, sometimes my tags don't work xxx

Thanks for letting me know @Anastasia

I probably missed it - I will hunt back along the thread and see if it's there

Dec

HI @Anastasia

I found your post - I did miss it so I am glad you mentioned it too me

I will read it and respond later - I am expecting a business phone call in a few minutes so it will be later today or tomorrow

Dec

All good,

Good luck with the call, chat later if you have time @Owlunar xox

HI @Anastasia wrote

For the loss of a beautiful child that had it tough from word go. You gave him the opportunity to soar but sadly he chose not to. Something as a parent I don't think we ever really comprehend or accept. So from one Mumma to another I send you a ginormous hug xxx

Thanks for this wonderful message - I am sorry I missed it and glad you tagged me about it - it is special to read this - You really understand - I appreciate this

In fact in this forum many people have understood - and I am sure you will have this kind of support with your son - this forum is safe, well-moderated and reassuring

Yes - I did give this boy the chance to soar - if he had wanted to be a barrister or a garbage collector I would not have minded - I wanted him to have a good life but that was too hard - he had poor self-esteem and this is a rough start for anyone

And your boy has similar trouble with his Dad - my ex-h dropped out of managing my son's story as soon as the boy began to show difficult traits - as the years - decades - have passed - I have learned that my ex-h couldn't cope - it was all too hard for him and he had my own issues - for whatever reason he could not put his own story aside to deal with the boy he had wanted so much - it is his loss but this doesn't make it any easier for a child and I saw how this affected my son and I had decided to have this child and keep this child and the cost was high - I am glad now though that I kept my commitment to this troubled child

People lose so much when they fail to express their love to a child - it is heart-breaking and your son knows this side of the story too - as do you - tough yards for both of you

I have been able to forgive my parents for the years when I had no contact with them because of the tough choices I made for my son - unpopular choices but they had to be made. Dad was ashamed of his part in it - I was his first child and he expected a lot from me and he got what he wanted - he called me his best academic bet. He was proud of me. I had done a lot with my life in spite of the obstacles in my path.

My mother couldn't though - she had a tough start in life in a single parent family. I understand this. I often felt punished for something and usually didn't know what it was - I think she was jealous - I had a lot of spirit and she couldn't break me and I am so proud of myself for never giving into her controlling demands. Again - it is her loss and -

Forgiving people isn't something I did for them - I did it for myself - I am free of them because I don't carry their bundles around with me - but I did see the way it hurt other people in the family and that is harder to get past but I think I did

What a rave - I couldn't get back yesterday - when I woke up I had a clear picture of my day but it wasn't to be - I had important phone calls and I had to go out when I hadn't planned it. When I got home I went to sleep watching TV and it was late when I woke up.

The whole day was worthwhile and like old times before the lock-down - I see you have posted another message so I will answer that one too.

And thanks for your comments - you are a very sensitive and caring person

Dec

Hi @Anastasia @TAB @Shaz51 @NatureLover @WIP @Appleblossom @Zoe7 etc

I am not having my best day - so add another thing and it's okay - I just want to share a couple of things - I am sure things will work out in the long run

I spoke to my daughter on the phone yesterday - I was a very busy day and I guess I feel flat after it all -

Mu daughter is seeing her specialist earlier than planned - the advice from her doctor etc is that she will most likely have a spinal fusion when it's possible - it is pretty urgent and I don't know how the freeze on elective surgery stands in Melbourne but it is unsettling news

She is my most important person - it's natural that I find it hard to get on with my day today - and that's okay too - but of course this is a worry for me. I am sure it will all work out

Ever since I injured my spine 25 years ago I have been warned and warned by doctors not to have a spinal fusion but the damage in my spine is DDD - not slipped discs - I have looked this up on the internet and this kind of surgery needs to be done asap -

And - I have enough on my mind really. I met a woman locally back during the bushfires and we hit it off and talked on the phone a lot and went to the movies. I wasn't working out because although I was happy to listen as time went on the lock-down was obviously getting to her and she was talking at me rather than too me and eventually she didn't stop when I told her I really needed to go

This was tough - I really had enough - I was starting to feel used. She has rung a couple of times but I haven't picked up when I see who it is. I feel rotten doing this - I don't want to try and explain why to her because she doesn't listen - if I saw her in the street - yes - I would tell her.

I have my own life-problems to deal with right now and can't take this but I feel bad - I know I am doing the right thing for myself and I can only deal with myself in the long run. I think I will have to block her number

I really hate this

Dec

Urgent surgery will probably be scheduled soon. @Owlunar

I have a neighbour who is chatty but a wall of words. Quite aggressive with it. I can only tolerate a few minutes, but she always says hello. Certainly no meaningful back and forth conversation. It seems fairly common in many female personalities sadly.

Take it gently, as I know you do.

Hugs

Apple

Thanks @Appleblossom

Yes - I do care for myself and I would have loved someone local to drop in on regarding the "singles' bubble" thing - but yes - "a wall of words" is pretty accurate. I felt overwhelmed and when I have my own issues just listening and listening is too hard - and I have enough right now

Also - I have a letter from my doctor advising that with my severe osteo-arthritis I need to travel in the front seat - the taxi drivers are okay with it but my case worker has to investigate whether this is alright for the support workers - I think it's a easy question but apparently not - It needs to be checked out, signed, sealed, carefully rolled up and tied with a bow

I have to go to the shops tomorrow - I want to sit in the front seat - it is ridiculous because I having injections in the nerves to calm the pain from my stiff knee, back and shoulder and oh - I am not going to go into it but it matters a lot

Enough whinging though - I think I have a good reason not to answer the phone for this lady - wall of words - so well put

Thanks Apple

Dec

Dear @Owlunar

I am only seeing your earlier message now. My eye sight is affected with my headaches so I will blame that 🙂 It's almost gone now so grateful for the meds.

Thank you for responding, yes I totally understand about your boy, it sounds like whilst our paths are somewhat different we have mutual experiences around our boys and their relationships. Again, I send out the biggest hug to you as I know what a beautiful Mumma you would have been for him and my heart breaks. When I thought I was going to lose my boy in hospital I was beyond terrified, so my words really can't explain what I want to portray other than every cell in my body has the utmost repect for you in every way. I am glad we have crossed paths, I really am.

Forgiveness is never easy but you are right, I think this fits...again the tmost respect for you xox

You never have to explain why you didn't get straight back to me, I understand.