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Life can be a Pain

DecadianSenior Contributor07 Feb 2017, 1:19 pm AEDT

Life can be a Pain

Hi @BlueBay@Zoe7@Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope@utopia@oceangirl@TAB@Shaz51@PeppiPatty

I know there are more people I could tag but maybe I will think them up as I go along - actually I already have

I think I need my own thread - mostly my problem is chronic pain syndrome - I damaged my spine with the sporting excesses of my youth - a long time ago now - and I managed to rearrange it when I fell of my pushbike in a wind storm nearly 22 years ago and that seems a long time ago now but there is nothing they can do except treat the pain - and I do have Section 8 medication and I see a pain specialist

And the pain has been worse lately and wears me down and I get fed up and very tired -

I have issues with my mother as well - and although she died 2 years ago I still have bad times now and again - she was abusive and as well as I know myself and her this can get to me at times - and this is another reason I opened my own thread

Then there is TS - my Toxic Sister - she was under my skin for a while but not at the moment

So yesterday I felt so bad when I went to see the doctor about my back pain - and my pain specialist has cut my medication back several times over the last few years and she has gone too far - and I started to tell my doctor - yes - I cope with the pain better since my mother died - but it's driving me crackers atm and so are the memories of my mother

So that's it for now - I have had trouble opening this thread for some reason but now I have - I will run my own story - I would like to think I don't need to but yes - I do

You are all such wonderful supportive people - you are my soft place to land - that is so true

And anyone I have missed I will tag as I go along

Lots of hugs everyone

Dec

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In response to: Life can be a Pain

DecadianSenior Contributor07 Feb 2017, 4:27 pm AEDT

Re: Life can be a Pain

Thanks for writing @Former-Member

It's like losing something precious when we lose a long post - we it is precious - we don't lose the easy posts - we lose those we put our heart and soul into

But it was wonderful that you wrote it

Dec

In response to: Life can be a Pain

Zoe7Senior Contributor07 Feb 2017, 4:31 pm AEDT

Re: Life can be a Pain

@Decadian Your son certainly started out in life with so much to deal with. This is where our whole system lets kids down. It has got better in some areas but there still isn't the support and money needed to make a real and lasting difference for these kids across the board.

You did everything (and more) that you could do. Such a wonderful Mum to visit and provide the support you did.

I'd like to be able to say that no-one should be put in those conditions - and your son certainly is one that shouldn't have been - but there are some people in this world that deserve even worse. I don't have once bit of compassion for people who commit certain crimes and if that makes me out to be a bad person I will wear that!

It is really sad that he felt there was no way out but to take his own life but I really do get that. I certainly know how that feels and struggle with it so much myself - especially at the moment.

Know that you did make a difference for him - just as you are now making a difference for me xxx

In response to: Re: Life can be a Pain

DecadianSenior Contributor07 Feb 2017, 4:35 pm AEDT

Re: Life can be a Pain

Thanks @Zoe7

There really was nothing else my son could do - which is so sad

But you understand - that is important to know - and to know I am making a difference

If one person is helped by my story - then it was worth it

Dec

In response to: Life can be a Pain

utopiaSenior Contributor07 Feb 2017, 4:41 pm AEDT

Re: Life can be a Pain

@Decadian. I haven't read your response to me yet. Just read your response to @Zoe7.
And yes, we should cry for your son & all like him. A mothers tears are the most potent. I understand that. But we all need to cry for your son - as it's the way to stop this history repeating itself.
And I cry for you too @Decadian - because I am a mum. And I don't care what my son may do in the future - my love for him is unconditional - as is yours.
Your son was a beautiful unique child - who unfortunately, did not quite fit this world with all it's rules and lack of compassion.
Some people call children like your son - an Indigo Child - sensitive. They can pick up people's pain. They are sensitive to light and noise and emotions.
I don't see him as a damaged child. I see him as a unique beautiful soul - who was very sensitive to this world & who had a rough start. How truly lucky he was to have you as his mum.
I am crying bucket loads of tears for you both & for other sensitive children and their parents. I am not offering sympathy. Just purely an understanding of how unique and wonderful and complicated your beautiful boy was.
Love and hugs. ♥♥♥♥

In response to: Re: Life can be a Pain

Zoe7Senior Contributor07 Feb 2017, 4:49 pm AEDT

Re: Life can be a Pain

@Decadian Thankyou for the privilege of sharing this with me. You really are making a huge difference and I understand as far as I can without being in yours or your sons shoes.

and

@utopia beautifully put, and spot on, as always.

To both of you - I am so grateful that you feel comfortable enough to share parts of yourselves with me. I am also so grateful that you are supporting me at the moment. I don't think you actually know what a difference it really is making.

In response to: Re: Life can be a Pain

BlueBaySenior Contributor07 Feb 2017, 5:02 pm AEDT

Re: Life can be a Pain

@Decadian

Hugs to you my friend xxxooo

I am writing your posts and others replies to you and i have tears for you and for your son. I can't imagine the pain you must be in both of what happened to your son and your physical pain as well.

thanks for sharing Dec, it would have been a tough decision to write your story on here.

I am stuck for words, i don't know what to write just yet. But i want you to know that I feel for you so much, sending you my love. Here for you anytime.

@utopia you always know what to write my friend xxxoo

@Zoe7 you are a beautiful caring person xxoo

Hi @Former-Member I so love your new avatar, just noticed it now. xxoo

In response to: Re: Life can be a Pain

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor07 Feb 2017, 5:13 pm AEDT

Re: Life can be a Pain

❤️💕 @Decadian ....

Here and listening ....

In response to: Life can be a Pain

utopiaSenior Contributor07 Feb 2017, 5:17 pm AEDT

Re: Life can be a Pain

@Former-Member - we all feel for @Decadian and her son. But on a lighter note - I really feel for you. As decadian said - we don't lose our simple replies - it's the ones we put our heart and soul into. And even if we try to re-type it - it's never the same. Bloody frustrating.

In response to: Life can be a Pain

utopiaSenior Contributor07 Feb 2017, 5:30 pm AEDT

Re: Life can be a Pain

@Decadian - yes my mums conditions are different from yours. And often - hidden. But then it sounds like your specialist doesn't get yiur level of pain either.
Pain is hidden - in as much - as no one can see our pain. And some are better at masking pain than others.
I was saying to zoe today - when my mental health isn't good - my tolerance for physical pain is almost zero. And then because I'm in pain - my depression gets worse. It's a viscous cycle.
Can I suggest you 'play up' your pain at your next appointment. Say you fell - or almost fell - and it's made the pain ten times worse.
You shouldn't have to do this if course - but when your specialist - the person in control of your pain meds - isn't listening to you - maybe it's fair to 'play' it up.
I remember your ladt appointment - & the specialist didn't listen to you then.
So - do what you need to.
My sister is worried about my mums increase in pain meds. So am I. But then - I don't feel her pain. And I don't want her to suffer any more than she needs to. So why not let her increase her dose on a bad day.

In response to: Life can be a Pain

Unknown userMember07 Feb 2017, 5:43 pm AEDT

Re: Life can be a Pain

HiHi @Decadian, i think having your own thread for your story and updates is a great idea. I can come check on you and catch up. God.

Chronic Pain Syndrome is horrivle, sorry your pain is worse lately, wears ya down 'fed up' & exhausting, grr I hear you. Chronic Back Pain is debilitating but also sadly another stigmatised silent condition. Sad the doctor wasn't more helpful re back pain yesterday. Best not to tell them emotional links to your back pain (re mother), we know its linked but they'll just see it as addiction. Best to stick to physical causes, tell them you slipped over or something. With your medication, I do know that as we age strong pain relief are more likely to suppress respiratory system, & others, so doctors struggle finding the 'right' balance. Sorry this and your mum are driving you crackers atm. Have I told you how much tumerick & black pepper (1:10) & fish oil helps me?

With your mum - Do you know if there is a trigger for the troubling memories of your mother at the moment? An anniversary, weather, event?.. Sorry if you've already said, my memory needs help. I try to see my mum as wounded as a small child.

Relate to your so called Toxic Sister situation getting under my skin. My sister had 'other plans' again when i was in Sydney. What's important here, the Holy Spirit keeps telling me, is to keep your own heart pure. Before God check if there's unforgiveness, resentment, anger etc clogging my system, let it go & let in the light of love and self compassion. Not easy but doable. I have learned that

"the way people decide to treat us has very little to do with us, but everything to do with them"

Do keep running your "own story" I'm glad you've created a space I can come find you.

I agree with seeing most the saneforumites here as "wonderful supportive people" and Like what you said "my soft place to land" feel the same.

Lots of hugs backatcha De xox

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